sft

A Subs Space... OVER 18!
2016-04-01 20:37:42 (UTC)

Pivotal... 7

i cleaned Master up as normal, and we lay in bed a while. i asked Him why He had been talking to amie all this time, when He had told me not to, and He said it was His choice, and that it didn't concern me.
i immediately felt defensive.
Of course it concerned me! i'm Your slave? i'm Your little girl? i'm Your responsibility? i'm Your conscience, as You lie in bed at night, wondering how i feel?
Or is that just me? Is it only me who feels that way? Am i taking after my own name too much? *soft*???


These thoughts were with me as we spoke, but i kept them to myself, at least for a while...

His phone went again...
He left me, and i lay there, looking at Him, so intense on His phone... so there with whoever it was, but not with me, when i needed Him :(

He came back to me and lay with me. He said amie said she would come over for 7.30pm, and that was it... i just exploded!
i said i knew she would come after i had gone... that she was a sneaky, devious, slutty bitch, and i wanted to rip her fucking head off and spit down her neck!
i HATED her! i wanted to kill her right then!
i asked Him... "where does she live? Sheffield? Cos i want to know! i'm going to find her and kick the shit out of her!"
i really don't know where all my aggression came from? i'm not like that! i don't wish anyone any harm and i don't like anyone who does!

But Master protected her! He made me feel like i shouldn't be feeling these things? Like i should be feeling safe with Him?
i was thinking... WTF are You talking about? i was so angry, and so utterly devastated!
i was really thinking this was the end of us :(
He still insisted that she wouldn't come over though!
And even then, He left me to answer His damned phone!

That was it! i had had enough! i went to the bathroom, without Him even noticing i'd gone, it seems!
i went to the toilet, got more water for my plastic cup, and brushed my soaking wet hair, a real mess i was, and i didn't care!
i looked like the shit i felt! :(
back in the room, i dressed fully, as He fucked around with His phone! i wanted to take it from Him, and throw it out the window!
OMG!... i'm still so angry about this as i write!


i have never felt so alone, yet with my Master... the most important part of my life, and my heart in such a long time :(

i was, i felt, completely alone. i was there, but nowhere :(
i sat, drinking my water, until He finally decided to come to me!
i was way past it all by then!
He asked why i had dressed! i said i was ready to go home, i needed to get back for 6pm.
He said it was only 5pm, looking at His watch.
i said i didn't care! i wanted to go... needed to go!
He told me to get undressed again. i refused. He told me again... this time i took my jeans off, my top, my knickers and bra, throwing them to the floor like i didn't care, and i didn't! in my mind, i was there to be used, and that's what He wanted, and that's the only thing He would get from me again that day!i lay back down, completely in the wrong frame of mind for this!

There was no way i was going to submit to Him now!




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