wet blanket
2016-03-29 11:10:14 (UTC)

Well here's another huge transition...

Well here's another huge transition. Okay so I'd been considering asking Brad out for awhile but I was so fucking cynical I couldn't stop thinking about all the bad shit that could go wrong and stuff. I mean I literally just realised alcohol has been the catalyst for like everything with us. I got drunk and told him how I felt and he sort of did the same. Then I got really really drunk and asked him to be my boyfriend. I woke up freaking out that morning thinking how much I'd regret it which sounds so horrible but then idk, something changed. I just saw how great he was, of course I already knew that but like. I guess I just realised I was okay being his, and I was okay giving him my everything.
I fucking feel whiplash from how drastic the transition was. Yeah part of me wants to hate relationships and feelings forever but it was bound to happen. I guess I had to mature at some point. But how could I not love him he's just irresistibly perfect. He makes me happy and instead of bringing each other down I feel like we constantly just help each other be happy. We spend a lot of time together and I never get sick of him. But the thought of becoming dependant on someone and not being okay being alone is constantly tugging at me. I don't want to be that person again. But even now I already get it. I feel like everything is just a count down to when I see him next. It's so lame. But I can't help it and I'm really trying.

On a completely different note, the sex is so fucking great. I know sex isn't everything but it's so great I have to write about it aha. It's so hard to describe how insanely and annoyingly attracted to him I am. I can't help myself. The way he talks to me sometimes and his body and when he's rough. It's the best. It's just great to see someone so nice and genuine just be like that in bed. I don't know why aha it's just weird seeing different sides of people but it's so great. I'm glad he's into the same things as me too. I like it when he dominates me.

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