Nowhere girl

Finding a reason to breath
2016-03-14 19:39:33 (UTC)

does knowing the truth really help?

SO i dont even know where to begin!!! Diana texted me because she saw my snapchat and wanted to know if i was on a date. I mean it kinda hurts because in my eyes she has no right to be jelous, upset or even hurt! She was in an actual relationship for months, that started literally when we stopped talking, or so i thought. Turns out she has been talking to him since the very beginning of last year. Like a part of me knew that back in april she was talking to him and corresponding and hanging out, but i guess i also knew we werent togehter and i had no right to say anything, so over time i just blocked him out, Over the summer and into the fall espeacilly Life is Beautiful i realized my feelings had really changed and i was ready to really start contemplating what i wanted out of this relationship and was it worth saving. I decided yes in my mind. And as each day passed and i wanted to talk to DIana its like all of sudden i strated notice Ralph was calling all the time,, maybe i didnt notice so much befor or make a big deal, so that was my bad. However i express to her i didnt like it, she cjhose to ignore my request of him stop calling because she (just recently) admitted to me she didnt see him as a threat. But from im standing, it was so much about the threat, i mean take into consideration how i was feeling, how insecure i was getting.

Anyway it is what it is, and her telling me she only went with him cause it help her deal doesnt make it any better. Cause yeah breaking up is fucken hard but you deal and you cope and you sort out your feelings, or in some cases, fight for the one you love, confess you r entire heart to them, be willing to sacrafice pride and do what it takes to make it work! She just let it all go down the drain and said fuck you, fuck it, and started doing drugs and in this case doing Ralph!

So yeah thats the part the hurted the most. I say hurted because im slowly healing and it doesnt sting so much anymore! Ive decided that I am a person to and instead of waiting for her to fight for us, to fight for me, im gonna continue living and do me!!! How stupid of me to still sit and wait, espeacially after she said she was gonna break up with him.

So yeah i put myself out there and i got out of my comfort zone and just agreed to go on some dates. MAke new friends, be brave and go it alone to different venues. Im not a cofident person and im very shy and quiet and nervous and this whole situation has made me come out of my shell, and im not gonna give it all up because now that shes done fuvking ralph she wants to work it out! NO!

I need time to process all this, and her solution is to go from one relationship tothe next just to avoid dealing with her feelings, dealing with heartache! Like really learn to love yourself, learn to be alone, its hard but its necessary! I did it, and it wasent easy! It consists of lots of crying! and pain and heartache and realization of reality, but its doable! I did it, and so does everybody else!!!

i told her if she wanna hangout talk, be 2 friends that go out and have a drink, possibly more im ok with that, but im not gonna jump into a relationship. Not with her and definatly not with anybody else! Its espeacially not fair to get in a relationship with someone else when im still not over my ex!




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