Vanilla

Flames

I am back here because everything blew up in flames. My year long affair with Dr M has ended in utter ruins. I spread a shit storm and destroyed lives. There is a child on the way, that isnt mine.

Myself?...picking up the pieces and moving on. When i look back to 24 when i first met him and now being in the prime of 26 i feel different. I look at things different. I dont feel how i once ever did. I am only interested in getting through life. We have lost so much.

I do not know what the future holds, nor do i care too much. For now i am on a mission to fill all the empty voids, i don't need just one man in my life, i will date several and commit to none. Maybe it is the beginning of an end. The end to the old naive innocent me.

I don't feel so naive or incapable anymore, i feel stronger, more angry, more careless more manipulative. I shall live.

I shall live and so recklessly, because nothing, absolutely nothing means anything anymore.