Phillip Wilson

Amazingly, I survived my Life
2011-09-30 00:03:21 (UTC)

2002 REVIEW (PART TWENTY-ONE)

June- Childersburg, AL (continues)

It was 1979, I think. I had travelled by bus and had hitch hiked to the Louis Gregory Baha’i Institute in South Carolina for a Baha’i conference. The first evening I remember sitting on a large rock – or sitting on something – outside in front of the lodge/main building. Robert and Jo Clifton came along. Since I had lived with them in 1977, I thought they were my “friends.” At that time, something deep down in me wondered why Robert and Jo greeted me so formally. It was as if I was just another acquaintance from another community! Only recently – yesterday evening in fact – did I realize the truth: I was an unwelcomed house guest of Robert and Jo. That includes the visits to Pierson, IA, and Orangeburg, S.C. I was their private “patient,” especially Jo’s, a former social worker. They didn’t know what to do with me: Baha’i “compassion” kept them from just throwing me out, casting me aside.

(acerca de 11:05 A.M.) In retrospect, the many subtle smart-ass remarks aimed at me by Robert Clifton should have been enough to warn me off, away from the man. But apparently I was too desperate for – what was it exactly? And why did I think I could get it from Robert and Jo Clifton? I guess I still have years of analysis ahead of me! Before departing this life, though, I would like to figure it out! Just out of curiosity, you understand: Robert and Jo Clifton are not worthy of a major analysis.
The television highlights (what an oxymoron!) of yesterday was GREAT PERFORMANCE: “Queen’s Jubilee Concert” (7-9:00 P.M., P.B.S.). It was supposively a live broadcast from London, England. In 1953 Queen Elizabeth II was crowned Queen: From now until this time next year, the 50th year on the throne will be commemorated. God save the Queen! Actually I’ m sure He has better things to do with His time!
FOX 6 NEWS (5-5:30 P.M.), national/world news (5:30-6:00 P.M.,?), A.B.C. 33/40 NEWS (6-6:30 P.M.), WHEEL OF FORTUNE (6:30-7:00 P.M., FOX), and a portion of FOX 6 NEWS at 9:00 P.M.: This was my lagnappe for spending time in the Family Room.
Back in the privacy of my own room, I watched the final 40 minutes or so of THE DISTRICT (9-10:00 P.M., C.B.S.).
The American Village in Montevallo, AL, and the Colonial Village in Huntsville, AL, are just two of the many living “history” showcases around the country. These places present a simplistic, biased view of the past. Accepting them as the end picture of history is a gross injustice to history. But at least they are starting places: If only they are used that way.
Programs like FIRST MONDAY and THE WEST WING: I have no doubt that each is almost a direct video translation of high school civics textbooks. The setting of either is true to life without question. However, as with the American Village and the Colonial Village, the shows present a simplistic, black and white idealized portrayal of history. The reality of history is quite different.

(acerca de 11:42 A.M.) Things didn’t and don’t happened and happen in isolation. An event or person is not all good or all bad. Many times rules must be “bent” or ignored altogether in order to get something done.
As Greek sculpture presented a non-real version of the concept of masculine beauty, and as psychologists offer emotional “maps” to a composite of humankind, so FIRST MONDAY and THE WEST WING offer history as it should be, not as it really is.

(acerca de 12:48 P.M.) Yesterday afternoon Joyce was telling me how badly it rained and stormed at David’s high school graduation in May 1995. I was there – she had not taken that into consideration when she “composed” the flashback; in fact, she was unaware of my attendance at all! – and damn if I remember bad weather! Joyce was responding to a television image of graduate tossing mortar boards (head pieces) in the air, a graduation tradition: No wanting to lose his, David had only dropped his in front of him. Maybe flashes of lightning “shortened” the program, but I am almost positive that Rain didn’t invade the ceremony.
In my graduation, I ran from the diploma-presenter as soon as I received it. The football field was the arena, as it had been for David’s.
Rain and Storm arrived for Leslie’s graduation just before Curtain;
Due to interference from an Electrical Storm, Linda’s high school graduation in May 1962 was held in the auditorium. Each graduate held a candle. Given the nature of that class, I’m surprised one of the many smart-asses didn’t use her/his candle – the storm had outpowered the power – as a weapon against the others!

(acerca de 1:38 P.M,) I am horny! God, am I ever! If you consider Anita Matlow a woman (up for debate), it has been almost four years since I was intimate with a female. It’s about time for another, don’t you think? Or is it only a sub-conscious urge to pass on my DNA? I don’t think so! Of course it is “sub-conscious,” so I’m not aware of what might be behind the horniness! To want to “create” another me to roam the world: What kind of person do you think I am? I “ain’t” that vindictive, in spite of all the cruelty heaped on me by Past! Re-doing the past is one thing: Expecting Past to let a second me alone is stretching it! And, too, I respect my D.N.A. way too much to trust it to another creature and Past without me supervising them!
If only I had planned my European trip better! If only I had known what was out there to see! Chances are that I will never make the “grand tour” again. “I had you right on the tips of my fingers/But I let you slip right through my hands!” What a horrible waste!

(acerca de 3:59 P.M.) Breeze, though It is trying, isn’t much help against the combined forces of the upper-80-degrees (F) and energy-sapping Humidity! Even the morning – usually a haven against such assaults – was “life-threatening”! Though I don’t think Deah thought so as I was bathing her. As she was drying, I did a 35-40 minute club-juggling work-out. The Rain within me dared to show Its face, and the Humidity made the clubs heavier than usual.
I doubt very much if Cold will be around until next October! The gods have given the hegemony to Heat for the next 4-5 months!
Each of the spins must cover the same time period in juggling clubs. The higher the forearm tosses the club into the air, the less the wrist has to do in order to maintain the vertical parallel. In other words, there exist some kind of inverse relationship between the forearm action and the wrist flip. “Dropage” occur when the ratio is dis-rupted.
I never knew that juggling was so complicated: I was under the impression that one could juggle or not, that it was as simple as that. Boy was I wrong!
Practice and dress rehearsal are for developing the science of performance, be it juggling, ballet, singing, or acting. I really never had a classroom period: I went straight to the stage/ring. And I have regret it ever since! I may never be called back to active performance, where the real fun takes place, but I can make damn sure that my “classroom” is intense and productive!
Enunciation in juggling is “keeping-going”: Call it long-term juggling. However, long-term juggling can only happen if the articulation of juggling is well taken care of! Juggling, to an extent, is more than the sum of its parts: The individual jug. The “one, “ “two,” “three” (articulation).

(acerca de 6:14 P.M.) We should be so lucky! It was wishful thinking on my part! The upper-80-degrees (F) my ass! The lower-70-degrees (F) were only trying to pass themselves off as the upper-80-degrees (F) so as to be allowed through the gate!

(acerca de 6:27 P.M.) About the Queen’s Jubilee Party that kicked off the year-long half-century for the Queen: As I reminded you about two years ago, a male stated to me a long time ago that, of course Prince Philip (“Mr. Queen”) was charming and dignified: That’s what he does for a living! Such was probably said twenty-five years ago, before Philip had 25 more years on the job. I wonder what the man would say now about Phil!

(acerca de 9:33 P.M.) It’s Broadway, stupid: Not the theatre!
According to a “trailer” that public television used to build up interest in its presentation of THE FIRST TEN TONYS, which was televised earlier this evening, John Lithglow is or was in a Broadway play. Lithglow is a graduate of either Harvard or Yale, but he was lately in the sit-com THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN, recently voluntarily suspended. I never saw the the show, but only snippets. What I saw was silly TV, way below John Lithglow’s talent. However, the series make gobs of money. And after all, Broadway is much more interested in profits than in talent: Talent abounds in New York and the country, but only a very few people can bring Box Office to Broadway. What James Hatcher, the former director/producer of the old Town and Gown theater in Birmingham, AL, stated in the early-1970’s is true: The theater is indeed a business. If I remember correctly, it was on a bus trip with the Alabama state Ballet, of which “Hatch” was “executive producer,” and the guest male dancer was tall: He had done a non-Hatcher thing.
Now, I may be wrong about the circumstances, but not about the quote. As an artist, James Hatcher was a travesty! However as a businessman, he was what theatre in Birmingham needed!

(3rd, About 7:36 A.M.) It’s a well-known fact by now that George W. Bush is only president of the country when terrorism is an immediate threat. In all other cases no one, not even his supporters – Al Gore “lost” the election because a Bill Clinton II was deemed inappropriate – takes him seriously. I’m sure the entire Bush administration is aware of this fact, especially Bush’s political strategist Karl Rove.
In 1975, a female name April (?) had recently joined the circus. As with the vast majority of joiners, they are bitter and resentful for being forced to such a livelihood with a last resort like circus. One morning when she was driving a car or pick-up and I was the passenger, she was complaining about many things: By chance (?) she happened to state that Richard Nixon was using Watergate to cover up what he was doing in Viet Nam. The American involvement in the Indochina War was over by then: But that’s another matter altogether. I doubt if Watergate was only a diversion. However, it is possible that Karl Rove’s conveniently “planted” the story of how much the president knew about 9-11 and when did he know it: Domestic and non-9/11 foreign issues (mainly the Israeli-Palestinian situation, and India-Pakistan at odds) were revealing Bush’s weakness. Blame the F.B.I. and C.I.A. Little people see John Ashcroft and the administration taking heroic measures to insure the safety of the American people. It just may work. Surely George W. Bush wouldn’t orchestra 9/11 for political gains! It’s one thing to take advantage of a bad situation for your own benefit! It’s quite another to have set in motion a horrific act that most likely would further your career! Several evenings ago I stated to Joyce that as much as I dislike Bush I don’t think even he was capable of 9/11! But since he is only the spokesperson for the administration and not the “C.E.O.,” it isn’t inconceivable that someone in the administration knew and Bush wasn’t told! Why should he had been? Why would George W. Bush be in on a “need to know” plot?

(acerca de 8:21 A.M.) Several evenings back, there was a segment on the NEWSHOURS or some television news program about the bad physical health of Pope John Paul II: He has Parkinson’s disease. The male voice-over commentator then said something that I don’t think the Catholic Church wanted out: The Vatican won’t allow Pope John Paul II to resign because if he did so, people would be out of work and power. Which is why he is more or less being propped up.
One associates the Vatican with spirituality, not earthly intrigues such as job security and power maintenance! Although I was told by none other than Richard Pereles that the largest stack of pornography was at the Vatican. However, I advise you not to believe Richard Pereles.
I’m sure that the administration fear job-losses and weakening power if George W. Bush fails to maintain the popularity that he enjoyed in the 6-7 months immediately following September 11, 2001. And believe me, you be surprised and shocked at what people are capable of doing in order to survive, especially having “tasted” power for the first time!

(acerca de 9:19 A.M.) I was about ten minutes into ABC WORLD NEWS SUNDAY (5:30-6:00 P.M. when a familiar high pitched voice reached my ear: Joyce had returned from her Sunday afternoon class with Kayla.
I had earlier watched THE MCLAUGHLIN GROUP (3-3:30 P.M., P.B.S.) and a golf-delayed “quickie” by C.B.S. WORLD NEWS (5:15-5:30 P.M.).
Kayla stayed with us until shortly after 8:00 P.M. Although it is becoming blatantly clear the mothering style of both Joyce and granny, especially the latter: For some reason, granny showed Kayla a home-made “__”-__” that she had made earlier. And Kayla had yet to eat her proper dinner. Joyce also filled her up with sweets, though I have to admit that Apple Jacks cereal had some nutritional valve.
In most cases, “fathers” are more disciplinarians than “mothers.” But for some reason “mothers” resent such interference.
I will tackle that issue at another time. Now, I just want to get down on paper what television served me yesterday evening: I managed 45-50 minutes of AMERICAN EXPERIENCE (8-9:00 P.M., P.B.S.). Fortunately I had already seen the episode – “Flygirls” – so the missed 10-15 minutes were not critical.
I tried watching LADY BYRD: NATURALLY (9-10:00 P.M., P.B.S.), a documentary about the environmental impact of the former first lady, but I bowed out after ten minutes or so. I then went to the Family Room where Joyce had on FOX 6 LOCAL NEWS (9-9:30 P.M.).

(acerca de 10:20 A.M.) About that time, in the Spring of 1998 in Tallahassee, FL, at the 304 Piney Road house when I awakened one morning, lying on my back, naked from the waist down, no Anita beside me, but Dominique asleep between my thighs: Had Anita escaped the bedroom due to a snoring attack by me? Did she de-pants (sweat pants) me and place the sleeping Dominique near my crotch? Had I “cradled: the child while I slept, or touch her in any way, inciting sex play? I will never know the truth of that overnight!

(acerca de 12:24 P.M.) When I was researching Samuel Beckett in 1994-95 in preparation for THE FALL (“Act Without Words I), I read something a director intimately involved with the plays of Beckett (Alan S.?) stated: “On Broadway you can make a killing, but not a living!”, meaning, I suppose, that a one-time project on Broadway may be “successful” and profitable, but a long-term career on Broadway was practically impossible. In other works, don’t turn to Broadway for a life-long job, but only another show business venues.
Broadway is to theatre what the NFL is to football. Football is no longer just a game with the N.F.L.: It is a business.
“Anna Karenina” won’t leave me be! It still wants me to de-construct it. Like, the honeymoon/wedding night of Constantin and Kathy: Having voluntarily allowed Kathy to read his darie, she was well acquainted with his past of seeking solace with prostitutes. Kathy mistakenly thought that Constantin wanted her to be like a whore, when all Constantin was doing was revealing all to Kathy. So what did Kathy do? On the wedding night she starts to imitate a prostitute until Constantin stops the proceedings. A Women’s Lib statement: Is the sub-plot counter-point to the main story line of Anna-Vronsky-Alexi?
How much longer will I pick on “Anna Karenina”? Doesn’t she dies a horrible death and deserves to be left in peace? Or am I her hell?

(acerca de 2:__ P.M.) During the Spring semester at FSU in 1999, I took a history of America: 1920-1945 course, taught by Valerie Connor. I really didn’t have a broad base of American History: Since high school, the American History of which I had knowledge was “specialized.” I had asked Dr. Connor via e-mail for the title of a good overview of American History: In response, she said any American History textbook would do. How about “The World Book Encyclopedia,” Dr. Connor?
But why now, three years after the request? Could it have something to do with the fact that Joyce is an academic student at Central Alabama Community College and one of the courses she is taking is American History? Does sibling rivalry not allow me to be upstaged in American History by an older sister? If that what it takes for me to finally do this review, hey, it’s working!

(acerca de 3:18 P.M.) Like the Whore that It is, the Day has been making everybody and everything hot: It has been flaunting the lower-90-degrees (F) to both male and female. It is almost too much to handle! A person can only take so much of Its wiles! Any orgasm or climax only occur at the relief of being away from Its clutches. Every now and then Phoebus tries to make Day more appealing by softening the Light on It. But it really doesn’t help that much!
Who was my first love, Liz Chapelle or Anita Matlow? A female character on some television show that I recently saw – LAW AND ORDER? – stated that one always carries one’s First Love around with her/him. That I will be carrying around either woman for the rest of my life inspires suicide!

(acerca de 6:32 P.M.) Even though I can’t recall exactly what the character said, the preacher’s sermon about Jonah and the whale is dramatically tied to Captain Ahab’s obsession with revenge against the White Whale (Moby Dick. The minister (Gregory Peck) attributed the sin of pride to Jonah, a representative of all humankind. Since pride cometh before the fall, I guess the whale was the fall.
Moby Dick is seen breaching in a tall, majestic, vertical line. The puny Captain Ahab is shown in profile, about to let pride take over. The movie ends here: Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

(4th, About 7:28 A.M.) My clown character was – and maybe will be – a “satire” on the scholar and intelligentsia. Although when I was previously active in performance, I was not strong enough as a scholar and intellectual to really do justice to the caricature: I didn’t have the grasp of the character. Only by being a scholar and intellectual myself was that “secret” part of me able to “rebel” against my intellectualism.
A middle-age white male with only one eye that was with Hoxie Bros. Circus was I was (1981) called me an “Educated Fool” one afternoon as an insult. It wasn’t until yesterday that it “hit” me: This is the clown character – Educated Fool – that I attempted to do all along! I am preparing myself: You might say a scholar and intellectual in training. And all for Luigi!
But wait: Maybe I should restrict any future outings of Luigi to the fantasy level! The environment of active performance – especially the Circus – is not what Luigi deserves. He is above it. However, this desire to protect Luigi from reality shouldn’t stop me from improving the real-life counter-weigh to Luigi: The stronger the counter-weight, the more satire there is for Luigi. Just because Luigi is best left in illusionary state doesn’t mean the He isn’t alive and well!

(acerca de 8:41 A.M.) My Luigi “work-out” yesterday evening included two “semi”-esoteric programs on The Discovery Channel: UNFOLDING UNIVERSE (8-9:00 P.M.) and SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HOLES (9-10:00 P.M.). Each show overflowed with information, as if it was compressed – into a Black Hole! So I didn’t have to do much to “learn”: One would have to do a lot not to have picked up some stuff! If the programs are ever re-broadcast by Discovery, you can expect me in the audience: There is still much in either show that I desperately need to “fit” in my memory cabinet.
Only twenty-five minutes of THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER (5:30-6:30 P.M., P.B.S.) appealed to me. And then there was KING OF QUEENS (7-7:30 P.M., C.B.S.), a “break” from my Luigi work-out, although I must say that each of the main characters, Kerri and Doug, came up with the nuances for their respective characters passively: That is, reacting from each other. Of course, such is not unusual: This character-development “trick of the trade” happens – or should happen – in all sit-coms. In fact, all TV shows operate that way. As well as movies, plays, etc.

(acerca de 9:13 A.M.) It is obvious what KING OF QUEENS does: It provides “”proxies” in front of the camera. Doug (Kevin James) is a delivery man and therefore working class. Kerri is a lawyer, a professional. Such a union is not uncommon today: One only has to look at Bill and Leslie.
I don’t know how it is all the time – I only watch the show every now and then – but the boss of Doug on KING OF QUEENS yesterday evening, was shown as a buffoon, a stupid ass, inept, and a fool. How many of you describe your boss like this?
Many television programs don’t represent anything but a money-making venture. However, KING OF QUEENS will, no doubt, be listed in a cultural anthropological textbook as a valuable indicator of the late-1990’s-early-21st century lifestyle!

(acerca 1:35 P.M.) It is hot out there! My hike from town soaked my shirt! And it all took place between 12 noon and 1:00 P.M., so you can imagine that the 90-degrees (F) will be later this afternoon!
Leslie and Kayla came for me around 10:35 A.M.: Leslie had called earlier this morning, saying that she would be after me as soon as her mother got there for lunch around 11:00 A.M. But Kayla had some inflected mosquitoe bites, and Leslie took her to the doctor. The doctor prescribed – what else? – anti-biotics.
While travelling to the library, I told Leslie about Dr. Moody’s policy of “shooting” patients with penicilun, no matter what the patient was there for. It was a miracle drug, and since medicine is not static, maybe the harmful effects of overdoing anti-biotics weren’t well known in the 1960’s and 1970’s!
Maybe they are not well known in the first decade of the 21st century! I don’t think Kayla’s doctor should be curing mosquito bites with anti-biotics! As I stated to Leslie, anti-biotics are used in animal food and as a growth “hormone” in people food, i.e. plants!
According to an e-mail from Barbara Reis, she has been away from her desk for three weeks, as of last Wednesday. The three letters of reference, which I requested from Dr. Golden early last month, will supposively be sent to me right away. I will believe it when I see it!
A small plastic bag of cans and bottles was taken from a direct assault by the hot sun and laid to rest temporarily in the “Coolness” of the recycling bin, where it awaits (the contents of the bag) a much more destructive heat at the recycling center.
$1.50 for cigarettes. What can I say: It won’t be much longer that I will be forced to quit smoking!

(acerca de 2:14 P.M.) Speaking of nicotine addition, there is, or will be soon, a product on the market called Nico-water. The man that had come up with the quit-smoking aid was interviewed last week on ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, the afternoon news program on public radio. Come to find out, Nico-water is not so much for quitting tobacco, only to cut down on the number of cigarettes smoked each day: The man flew regularly coast to coast non-stop, a trip of about six hours. Nico-water is, in reality, an ersalz substitute for lighting up, a “can’t do” for long-distance airline passengers. The man stated, “I will quit when I want to quit, and not because the government wants me to!” A similar sentiment was expressed by an aging actress (Italian? American?) profiled on the C.B.S. program 60 MINUTES, about a year ago (the actress had blond hair and was still nice-looking in her 60’s). I’m sure there are others confirmed smokers out there: And not all of them (___) are the low-class moron!

(acerca de 2:3_ P.M.) Phoebus has left early this afternoon, no doubt to avoid Heat wrecking the “fantasy.” The gods are voicing Their displeasure. If Heat wants the day that badly, declares Phoebus in explaining to the gods why It is leaving so early, Heat can have it! But remember who Your friends are, Heat: When I leave Rain may rush in. And You don’t want to know what Rain will do to You!

(acerca de 4:05 P.M.) Leslie brought Kayla over around 3:35 P.M. Leslie took her (Kayla) away from here around 4:04 P.M. You see, Kayla cried pitifully when her mother was about to leave for work. Leslie had gotten as far as her car when I stopped her: Kayla was washing dishes with granny while just a bawling! If It had been up to granny, the child would have been traumatized: She (granny) was more concerned about Kayla being her playmate for a few hours than about Kayla’s emotional well-being!
Before Leslie had made her attempted escape, Kayla kept whining to her that “I’ll miss you!” Kayla’s crying could be heard by Leslie in her car!
Leslie’s job is not that important! There is no need for Kayla to suffer! Granted, Kayla may be experiencing a phase, but, hey! she’s normal! Or Kayla may just have a short-term illness, a possible reaction to the anti-biotics the doctor gave her.
The anti-Heat forces continue to mass: Lightning has joined the “rebels.” The attack will come at any moment!

(acerca de 6:49 P.M.) Talmadge Gilliard made the comment to me several times that whenever I was visiting him, Anita would, in 99.9% of the cases, soon follow wanting money.
One evening in bed with Anita – it was the summer or early Fall of 1998; the bed was in my basement room at the Dellview Drive house in Tallahassee, FL – she asked me, as I was kissing and loving on her (even remembering turns my stomach, __!), why I didn’t tell her how beautiful she was and that I loved her anymore. I replied that whenever I did so, it costed me money. She didn’t utter a word: She realized then that I was beginning to “catch” on to her game: That it took me as long as it did was pathetic! She was whoring me, and never had any emotional connection with me!
Storm is still threatening: Some places in the area are serving as target practice and live ammo training for what may happen to us for real.
I shudder when I think about the close call I had! If Anita Matlow had been smarter, she would have been able to pull off her scam. But she mis-calculated. I had a bad past to suffer for, but a union with Anita Matlow would have punishment far in excess of the crime!

(acerca de 7:26 P.M.) What Rain is doing to the area I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy! The bullets are coming hard and fast; and in a seemingly inexhaustable supply. Could this be a statement about the primary election today and all the negative campaigning? Or was the outcome all wrong?

(8th, About 7:52 A.M.) Yesterday evening, sometimes between 7:30 and 8:00 P.M., Joyce and granny had a vocal “argument” about Fuzzy the cat: The Storm was at Its worse, Granny wanted Fuzzy in the house (she doesn’t care what the cat wanted; she treats people and has always treated people, the same way). Pretty soon I heard Joyce in the kitchen yelling at granny, asking her how much longer was she going to stand at the door for the cat. When Joyce came back into the Family Room via the kitchen doorway, she complained to me that granny had been holding the outer glass-faced door open: And the air conditioning was in operation! Granny said something to Joyce which I didn’t hear but I have a feeling granny said something about Joyce not liking Fuzzy. Joyce denied it, but granny still went to her room and pouted.
A week or two ago, granny stated to me one afternoon that Fuzzy had abandoned her: Whenever the animal is away from home over night, granny thinks that she (Fuzzy) has “re-located” and transferred her allegiance to somebody else. Second childishness in an old woman? If one didn’t know this woman one would think so. But she has been in “second childishness” all her life, even forty-five years ago!

(acerca de 8:31 A.M.) Was “Adam” more than one person? I never thought about it; and I surely don’t think the bible is a literal wor_ of the creation of the world! But the second part of EVOLUTION (8-10:00 P.M., P.B.S.) yesterday evening – “What about God” – brought to the forefront points of the biblical account of anthropology that should make evolution more acceptable by Creationists. How about all the animals that sailed on Noah’s Ark: Were they the keystone species that later made allowance for their new environment once they de-barked from the ark, to become what we encounter? Part I of yesterday’s two-hour episode was “The Min_’s Big Bang”: Did the Big Bang get going as soon as God blew the breath of life into us, creating us in Her/His image?
Ironically, “Origins of Species,” the evolutionary primer, has been de-constructed and perverted! Can not the Fundamental Christians realize that they are deconstructing “Genesis” inappropriately? De-construction can prove anything, which is why Fundamentalists use it: They are afraid to admit that “Origins of Species,” taken as a whole, is the gospel, and that the non-deconstruction of “Genesis” will reveal it for what it really is!
THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER (5:30-6:30 P.M., P.B.S.) in its entirity provided an outlet to the world (as if that is important!). Portions of SUPERMARKET SWEEP (5-5:30 P.M., PAX), WHEEL OF FORTUNE (6:30-7:00 P.M., FOX), and J.A.G. (7-8:00 P.M., C.B.S.) came to me in the Family Room.

(acerca de 8:25 A.M.) Having seen the first few minutes of the season close-out of J.A.G., I explained to Joyce yesterday evening that since the character of Bud Roberts may die or be maimed, the storyline for next season may involve Hariet Roberts (Bud’s wife) and Harm, in order to get the viewer to wonder when will Harm and Mac get together. I told Joyce not long after the confrontation with granny, so I received a snappy “I don’t think so!” in response. Under the circumstances, though, her extreme state won’t be held against her.
Both she and I kept an “eye out” for Fuzzy in case she came to the door. She never did.

(acerca de 12:32 P.M.) In the mid- and late-1990’s, Newt Gingrich was Speaker of the House of Representatives. Just think of it: He was two heartbeats from the presidency! If anything had happened to Bill Clinton and Al Gore, Gingrich would have been president. What a horrible thought! It sends shutters down my spine! Newt Gingrich was a Republican, so it would had meant a new era in the country.
A similar situation, only in reverse, was, by law, suppose to happen in 1981: Tip O’Neil was Speaker of the House. When Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded, Vice President George W. Bush was out of the country (in Canada, I think). According to the constitution, O’Neil should have been acting president. But O’Neil was a Democrat and the Reagan administration didn’t want a Democrat in the White House, no matter for how brief of a time. So what did it do? Secretary of State Alexander Haig, technically fourth in line to the presidency, assumed the acting presidency, making an official announcement that he was unaware of the correct succession! Yea, right! He didn’t want to lose power to the Democrats! I wonder how Tip O’Neil followed up that political slight? I’m sure that Alexander Haig made amends with O’Neil with some quid pro quo deal! We can only speculate: I’m sure it will never be known!

(acerca de 1:05_P.M.) More evidence that Anita Matlow was whoring me, as if any evidence Is needed: Several times in the Fall of 1999 after I finally ended the “engagement,” Anita confronted me with the fact that I more or less owed her something – money she no doubt was referring to – for the use I had had of her “pussy.” When in actuality, I should have been paid for using it!
To go off on a tangent: Both Joyce and I kept a look-out for Fuzzy. Granny must be treated like a child. Joyce puts up with her puerility more than I do: I have been affected by it much more than she has!

(acerca de 1:40 P.M.) If most Americans have had the experience that I had at the, or a, post office in Amsterdam, The Netherlands, then they would know the truth about America’s reputation oversea and not the made-up hype created mainly for “weak” American citizens: After having a post card or something to this country, I told the young white make clerk something about something not being done that way in the United States. As the male was walking away, he stated over his right shoulder, “This is not the United States!” The implication was that The Netherlands were much more advanced than the United States. And you know, they are!
I sent Joyce postcards, but none to granny, Linda had received one or two. When Linda was visiting in the Winter of 1991 shortly after I arrived back home, she commented on granny’s complaint of not receiving any post cards from me, by stating that granny should have read the ones I had sent Joyce: I had intended them for her (granny), too. Actually, I don’t think I had. But it was nice of Linda to have said so!

(acerca de 2:59 P.M.) If it was Storm’s intention to displace the mid-90-degrees (F) from Month VI, it didn’t work! In fact, They are now entrenched more than ever! I have no doubt that They would kill and not blink an eye!
In my research into the realities of performance, I review the 1993 Kentucky State Fair in Louisville: A show featuring country singer Reba McIntyre was held in conjunction with the fair. The concert was presented in the Coliseum. I was working on the clean-up crew and was, thus, back stage. I recall reading the line-up list of performers taped on a wall. This simple act revealed a lot to me: Ms. McIntyre was either under contract with a touring/production company or else had “sub-contracted” a touring/production company in order to “sell” her services to the fair. The latter was probably the case: Performance, after all, is a business, talent secondary. Anyone can hire a touring/production company: The trick is to earn a return on your investment.

(acerca 4:37 P.M.) In 1993, when I was living with Richard and Mary Pereles – speaking of whoredom! Mary wanted so much for me to fall prey to her body! That I was repulsed by it undoubtedly was one of the circumstances that led to our “separation” – in the Oklaloma section of Louisville, KY, on day Mary, Richard, and I were sitting on the sofa (in that order, Mary nearest the door on her left, I nearest the front window on my right) watching television. For some reason, a cable channel call-in talk show (there was no regular cable service to the apartment) was being aired: Viewers called in about sexual situations. Richard emphasized, when I expressed “shock,” that every type of sex known to man - incest, pedophilia, same sex, etc – was “made public.” Although, as you must surely know by now, Richard’s proclamations were highly questionable.
Fast-forward the tape a year and a half - or maybe just a year – ahead: It was Tuscaloosa, AL. I was living in that tiny apartment on University Boulevard near the Alagasco (or was it Alabama Power?). One evening, around 6:15 P.M., Terri Gross’ public radio show was coming from the radio. She and her guest were discussing some biography or auto-biography. The sexual revelations of the subject came up. Either Ms. Gross or the guest – I forget whom – stated that all great people have an abnormal sex life.
Bill Clinton was world-famous for his ability to feel empathy for others. This is what probably won him re-election in 1996 (not taking into account that Robert Dole had no appeal with the voters). Where do you think Mr. Clinton got his empathy, which is in essence a kind of sexuality? We have Jennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky, etc to thank for “re___phizing” him!
No telling how many women secretly and/or subconsciously had sexual fantasies about Bill Clinton and wish they could trade places with Ms. Lewinsky! I suspect this had a lot to do with his re-election! You’ld be surprised – or maybe you wouldn’t – at how many sexually frustrated women use religion and conservationism as ersalz sex!

(acerca de 6:40 P.M.) In the Fall of 1998 or the Winter/Spring of 1999, I remember discussing with a male – of course younger than me – at the Theatre Building of F.S.U. the fact that no-actors – singers, sport stars, etc – are put on stage nowadays, just as long as the non-actor enlivens the Box Office. Such has been happening for years in the circus: Any swinging dick that is a Circus Fan and/or a financial supporter gets to work with the Big Boys for a day or two. Is there any reason that good people avoid having their talent violated by the commercial theatre or circus? Yes there is! And you just happened to name the number one reason!

(6th, About 7:31 A.M.) Jane with me – and granny – as I franticly searched a commercial area – restaurants, stores, etc – for a telephone so that I may contact my part-time job (It was Wednesday afternoon, around 4:00 P.M.; I worked Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays) to see if I was to come in that day.
What’s with Jane being with me? Of my three sisters, Jane would be the last one I would want to accompany me on such a “sensitive” matter! But why would I want any of the three in the first place? For that matter, why did I bring granny along? And just out of curiosity, what job? Coin-operated telephones are rare on the streets of Paris, France – a calling card is required for the vast majority – but since when is that a problem in this country?
I remember stating to Jane (I still can’t get over the fact that it was Jane on the trip with me, not the logical choice of Joyce!) and granny that “no wonder cell phones are so popular!”
As I said before, my dreams get stranger and stranger! Dream my ass! It was a night mare!

(acerca de 9:37 A.M.) Fifty-eight years ago, the D-Day invasion at Normandy was in process. However, I wasn’t thinking of the anniversary yesterday evening when I watched D-DAY: BENEATH THE WAVES (8-9:00 P.M., Discovery): I forget it was June 5th in fact.
It is amazing how much more familiar I am with the beginning of the end of World War II on this 58th anniversary than I was on the 57th!
The WORLD OF NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC “Prima: Lion of the Andes” (7-8:00 P.M., P.B.S.) was thrilling to watch in the sense that a so-called “wild” animal, below the status of humankind showed humanity up, and let it be known who was really above whom. Was this the intention of the program? Definitely!
As is becoming common, I only watched the first half-hour of THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER (5:30-6:30 P.M., P.B.S.). I just wanted to keep abreast of the Israeli-Palestinian situation (there was another suicide bombing yesterday) and the India-Pakistan closeness-to-war.
The portion of FOX 6 LOCAL NEWS (9-9:30 P.M.) that contained the weather report (Joyce and granny believe it!) in the Family Room closed out my television-watching day.

(acerca de 1:34 P.M.) The more I de-construct the one-sided relationship I had with Anita Matlow, the more I can see that what might have been small insignificant things at the time were in fact warning signs that any “normal” person would have heeded. Take the incidence with Keeper, Anita’s chow-chow: When we were living on Piney Road, the dog was stolen. Up until this morning I believed wholeheartedly that, as a female, Keeper had been stolen so as to be a Puppy Machine for the local dog fighting industry. I was always suspicious of Anita reporting the theft to the Tallahassee Police a second time in one morning, within an hour of the first call. The revisionist theory of the episode is that Anita sold the dog; or maybe she and her ex-husband did some shady deal. If Keeper had been stolen to sire fighting dogs, Deah would have been also taken: Fighting schnauzers are nothing to laugh about or pass up.
Come to think of it, I doubt if Anita even made telephone contact with the police: Even though this report was made while I was watching Anita, I didn’t pay attention to the buttons she pressed!
A small amount of questionable behavior from a person doesn’t necessarily mean anything: One must weight it against the person’s good qualities. However, if the former far outweighs the latter, take heed!
Many times it’s what one doesn’t do that makes one successful. When I think what could have happened, I much rather endure what I am suffering now! For it “ain’t” nothing like life with Anita Matlow would have been!
When the neighbor on Dellview Drive – two doors up – contacted the police about shouting coming from out house, Anita stated to me that it wasn’t she and I but most likely the couple that lived in the house between the complainer and our house. In truth, I have the feeling that it was Anita and one of her children: Almost every day she had a shouting match with one or more of her four children.
“I was sad because I had no shoes until I met a man that had no feet!” My life is not at the optimal worse yet: It just that I have been so busy reversing the downhill slide in order to re-climb the hill that I overlook what was waiting for me in the event that the momentum of the slide was stronger than my trying to stop it!

(acerca de 2:44 P.M.) I can’t get over the dream I had early this morning! I have had weird ones before, but that one is one for the record books!
During my Baha’i days, I remember discussing what several people – in person and via the telephone – that dreams result for whatever it was that you ate the evening before. Dreams, I don’t acknowledge, are not gleanings from the dreamer’s sub-conscious. Baha-u-llah, the founder of the Baha’i Faith, had even said what I had said. And at the time, such a confimation was extremely important.
Well, I no longer need the authority of Baha-u-llah in order to think, though I still feel dreams are controlled __ sitoloically. I should not be drinking cola in the evenings: In addition to experiencing nightmares like the one I had this morning, the necessity of pissing the cola by-products out of my system made Sleep angry. Dreaming accomplany semi-conscious sleep. Therefore, drinking liquids causes dreaming. A simple matter, really!

(acerca de 3:55 P.M.) The mid-90-degrees (F) were yanked from Month VI in favor of the mid-80-degrees (F): I don’t know, something about Spring owing the mid-80-degrees (F), and the debt needs to be paid while there’s still time.
Kayla was brought over here this morning around 8:00 A.M., and only left a few minutes ago, around 3:45 P.M. It is the only Second Career I can get, but I could have worse.
Storm or Day – or somebody – has placed a “gel” on the Lighting Instrument. A nice, soft, all-pervasive glow is spread across the area.

(acerca de 4:41 P.M.) Stop your bitching, Storm! So You had – and are having – a busy week, there’s no call for all the rumbling and grumbling! You may as well get use to it: Don’t expect a day and/or an evening off for a while!
My right shoulder is still missing complete freedom it once had! Maybe if I try real hard, I will be able to reach my former parity!

(acerca de 4:49 P.M.) In an attempt to set the record straight, be it known that I read the novel “Nicholas and Alexandra,” a biographical novel about the last czar of Russia and his family, when I was on an extended visit to Robert and Jo Clifton’s (and Jo’s kids) trailer in Orangeburg, S.C., in 1982 or 1985. I must have been a guest longer than I thought! The novel wasn’t overly thick, but it sure wasn’t a novella!
I think the above is true: I never research my past.
I was a fan of Alan Alda in the television version of M.A.S.H. I would promote his acting ability to everyone I met. Until one day, in a discussion about Alan Alda (“Hawkeye”) and M.A.S.H., I was persuaded that Alda wasn’t a good actor. So I started “de-promoting” his acting. A male asked me why I changed my mind: I really don’t know! Although now I realized that I confused Alan Alda’s acting ability with his ensemble performance. Aren’t they one and the same? Yes they are; but Alan Alda was and is nothing independent of Hawkeye, Trapper, B.J, Radar, Klinger, Winchester, Hotlips, etc. In other words, it wasn’t Mr. Alda I was enthalled about: It was the character Hawkeye!
I’m glad that I finally have that all worked out!

(7th, About 7:12 A.M.) Where are these dreams coming from? What depraved part of me “thinks” them up? President Bush and I were inspecting 8th Avenue, S.W., here in Childersburg, between 3rd and 4th Streets. We were looking at the tree tops for I have forgotten. At one point, while inspecting the tree line on the west side of 8th Avenue, S.W., in my impatience I shouted at the president. A male secret service agent told me I would have to leave. George Bush himself said something as I was leaving (“Get the hell out of here!”).
A “sequel” to the dream; or maybe a second one that seems uninterpretable: A group of men was returning to a car and getting in. One had been shot but was ambulatory and “normal.” However, this is not to say that he wasn’t angry: He declared that his assailant had been stalking and that it had been a most uncomfortable feeling.
Am I voluntarily “accepting” such crazy dreams, or do they invited themselves into my unconsciousness in spite of everything I do to keep them out? Journal-writing is now a habit; habit is discipline. Is Journal-writing disciplining my “movie-making” without me being aware of it? Am I being challenged by Analysis? If so, then I will have to surrender early on: Damn if I can figure it all out!

(acerca de 8:04 A.M.) Forty-45 minutes of THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER (5:30-6:30 P.M., P.B.S.) continues to be a study guide to modern history: The Israeli-Palestinian situation, India-Pakistan, President Bush’s war on terrorism, etc.
Speaking of President Bush’s War on Terrorism, he delivered a brief speech yesterday evening – the speech and analysis (A.B.C.) only lasted a half-hour (7-7:30 P.M.) – concerning the creation of a new Homeland Security cabinet office, a move on the same level as Harry Truman’s combining many related burocratic functions after World War II into the Department of Defense. Although I doubt is this new department will have any effect whatever on terrorism! Who knows but that the domestic terrorism happening in Israel and India is not what post-9/11 terrorism will be? Why do the United States think another 9/11 attack will occur in the country? It is almost as if President Bush doesn’t think other countries worthy of terrorism; that the U.S. is entitled to it!
After walking Deah and seeing the Grand Poop__, I was confronted with the second half of DR. QUINN, MEDICINE WOMAN (7-8:00 P.M., The Hallmark Channel). Then I returned to my room and saw a NAKED PLANET special on Kilimanjaro (8-9:00 P.M., P.B.S.). Then it was back to the Family Room for DIAGNOSIS MURDER (9-10:00 P.M., PAX) and a portion of NBC 13 LOCAL NEWS (10-10:30 P.M.).
Rain did make an appearance early yesterday evening, but It only captured some of the ___ Heat and pushed the grass up higher: The former made life more bearable, but the latter – well, nothing in the world is free!

(acerca de 9:31 A.M.) I now see the irony in the fact that one of my more “artistic” ventures was THE PHANTOM OF HYPE video that I starred in produced by Dale Owen at the Center for Public Television in Tuscaloosa, AL, in the Spring of 1995: I had actually fallen for the educational institution’s hype that a college environment was welcoming and right for the non-traditional (middle-age) student! Who better to have played the phantom of hype but a victim of hype?
I made a note to remind you: My hearing loss is not the same in both ears. I don’t know why I must tell you this: You only have to look at my audiograms, a matter of public record, and such inequality will be clear.
Selena Snowdon, the younger female that fitted me with hearing aids in Tallahassee (Audiological Associates) in the Fall of 1998, failed to inform me that in addition to water from Rain, water from perspiration is also damaging to the hearing aids: Every since I made the foot trip from town Tuesday afternoon – if you recall, Heat really had us by the “balls,” and the inside of my ears “rained” - my left hearing aid hasn’t worked properly. Alan Yates lied to me by reporting that he had informed Helen Waldrop of my inquiry into hearing aid-maintenance – that Voc Rehab will recommend some one like one Alan Yates for a grant doesn’t say much for Voc Rehab! – so I guess I am on my own, which, if Alan Yates is the best that Voc Rehab can do for me, I am better off being!

(acerca de 1:13 P.M.) Warning: Do not, under any circumstances, allow a club to spin under Its own weight! Make sure you use Newton’s First Law of Motion and exert the external power. Don’t let Club decide that if It is to make the 360-degrees, the It will have to do it!
One must “see” a blur: The hands must move that quickly. Ninty percent of the time “dropage” occurs due to insufficient external force, i.e. lazy wrists. Every once in a while, the hand misses its grip. There’s really nothing to do about this.
For over an hour I worked-out in the back yard with clubs and 3-ball. I would juggle my first display: Whenever I dropped or quite voluntarily, I would then do another “first.” I did this over and over until my physicality strongly suggested that I stop. You be surprise how much faster time fl__ practicing this way instead of insisting on a practice session of such-and-such a length!

(acerca de 7:00 P.M.) I have always question Naomi Judd’s stated reason for disbanding the country singing duo that she had with her daughter Wynona: In the mid-1990’s, she broke up the duo because, supposively, for Hepatitis “B” was making performing hard for her. Naomi’s secret motive, I always felt, was her wish to see her daughter and partner go off on her own and be a “success.” In several interviews Wynona Judd confessed that she was jealous and envious of her mother’s popularity. Naomi Judd was – and is; the duo is back together – much better looking than her daughter. Naomi’s maternal instinct overpowered her “need” for fame. And that, my friends, is true fame! That is what creativity is all about: You controlling it instead of it controlling you!

(acerca de 2:54 P.M.) Never fear! All those video-recordings of the Carson and Barnes Circus that Holly Flippen (Flip Bayless’ father) took – complete with many “shots” of chorus girls in their skimpy wardrobe – can be fixed to preserve my performance for history, using existing technology or future technology. In other words, what I am saying is that the clown gags involving me, and my come-in and Spec work, can be separated from the lousy videography. It’s just a matter of having someone do it!
A seductive Breeze ease the discomfort that the lower-90-degrees (F) are inflicting. Phoebus certainly isn’t any help! If not for the Clouds scattered across the sky, that Orb would be merciless!
Earlier this afternoon the lights were dimmed. Or maybe Phoebus was called away to attend a summit meeting called by Spring. But alas! the summit is over, and Coolness was overruled.
In theory, one should forget about his/her past. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life!” should be the operating system of society. However, in reality one is judged by one’s past, not by one’s present. Thus, it is a matter of survival to “milk” and lie on one’s résumé. How else is one to “get in the door”? Many people feel it necessary to “re-bond” with one’s past: The thing is, past doesn’t want to come out of retirement, and so is usually worse than It was in the first time.
Why do you think recidivism is so rampant in society? If future is blocked from happening due to past, then update the past! For It is more than willing to come out of retirement on Its own terms. Take it from me: I can’t seem to get past my past, no matter how much I load my present to vastly outweigh It!

(acerca de 4:30 P.M.) What I am about to tell you must have occurred during my final visit of the 20th century/2nd millennium with Steve Holt sometime in the early-1990’s: I told him about the announced celebration that was being planned at the Pyramids in Egypt to usher in the 21st century. I don’t think he took me seriously.
Believe it or not, I thought my clowning style so culturally-enhancing that it was worthy of this Millennium showcase. What ambition I had!

(acerca de 6:09 P.M.) Remember when I say former president George Bush in the back seat of a limosine as it was “pulling” out of the White House fence-enclosed yard? He was flanked by two men: One on his right, one on his left. The president was squeezed between them very tightly. I stated to several people that these men were Bush’s bosses. I was laughed at. And rightly so: These men were most likely Secret Service. How was I to know: I was just a naïve country boy! I didn’t realize that anybody needed that kind of protection!

(8th, About 8:25 A.M.) I can’t believe I was “honored” by the offer! If nothing else proved how pathetic I was, that did: I was told by Jim Judkins, manager of Carson and Barnes Circus, in the late-1980’s, that I had a job permanently with the show. How was it that I failed to pick up on all these warning signs, signs that were obvious to everybody else?
A loud roar issued forth from the sky late yesterday evening and early this morning. However, I don’t see any signs this morning that Thunder was followed by Its usual “groupies."

(acerca de 9:09 A.M.) Every now and then, it all falls into place: Friday’s television did. I was able to watch all three of the news/analysis programs on public television: THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER (5:30-6:30 P.M. – as usually happens with this show, I only watched a little more than half of it - WASHINGON WEEK (7-7:30 P.M.), and NOW WITH BILL MOYERS (8-9:00 P.M.). This last-named program was a eye-witness account of the D-Day invasion by several of the participants. What I would like to know: Why in the hell did I not visit Normandy Beach when I was in France in 1991? Was I purposely avoiding military history? What a chance I had and I blew it? It was just one of the many blown chances surrounding my pre-50 life! What really hurts is that it is extremely unlikely that the opportunity - any of them – will ever come around again!
The second half-hour of DARK ANGEL (7-8:00 P.M., FOX) provided fill-in time, out in the Family Room. Just as FOX 6 LOCAL NEWS (9-9:30 P.M.) – at least part of it – gave me a Cooling off period from all the esoteric “stuff” that was forced into my system earlier.

(acerca de 9:34 A.M.) “Speaking” of THE NEWSHOUR WITH JIM LEHRER, a couple of weeks ago, Jim Lehrer did a Newsmaker Interview with Secretary of State Colin Powell. General Powell was discussing the India-Pakistan military build-up. Both countries have nuclear capabilities. Powell was taking about the horrors of nuclear war: The United States, of all the countries of the world, is really the only one that can speak of the horrors of nuclear war – unless you want to count Hiroshima, Japan (August 6, 1945) and/or Nagasaki, Japan (August 9, 1945). Though the nuclear bombs that both India and Pakistan possess make those 1945 dropping look like water balloons!

(acerca de 1:19 P.M.) How else could she have reacted? I was embarking on a scraping- the-bottom life style, and it, no doubt reflexed badly on her! She wasn’t – and isn’t – the most “together” person to begin with! And then have something like this happen! It must have seem like a betrayal!
It was Sunday morning, October 6, 1974 (or was it the 8th?).

(acerca de 1:34 P.M.) Carson and Barnes Circus was playing Talladega, AL. I had visited the Battle Street lot earlier: Joyce had driven me from Childersburg. Geary Byrd “convinced” me to “come on down.” So Joyce and I drove back to Childersburg, and I got some things together. Then granny joined the trip back to Talladega, and I went circussing. I was told my Joyce later that granny squawed all the way back to Childersburg. I suppose it was only natural. What a terrible thing to have happen to your only son! As it eventually turned out, circus life was not out-of character for me, but as it would be – metaphorically – my entire life (through no fault of my own, I might add).

(acerca de 2:35 P.M.) I wonder – and please don’t think I’m crazy or anything for even suggesting such – if it is not better for a 12-13-year old female child to have her first experience with sex at home rather than at school and/or among her peers! I remarked to Steve Holt, as he and May and Jesse and/or Martin were about to go back to Birmingham after one of their late Sunday visits in 2000 or 2001 – Steve and I were in the front yard – that I regretted drinking rum collins in front of Leslie when she was a child, and even making her rumless rum collins. Steve replied that it may be better to introduce a “vice” in the home environment where the child is among family than to have it made acquainted to her/him while out among “friends” and strangers. But I don’t know about that: This could be use as justification for child molestation.

(acerca de 3:17 P.M.) Hot and miserable under partly cloudy skies (Is there more than one sky? I keep hearing “partly cloudy skies” from weather people. What exactly do they mean by “skies”?): The mid-80-degrees (F) are trying to arrange a “date” between Rain and me, but so far the only “rain” came from deep within me as I was mowing the back yard late this morning. Droplets fell from someplace overhead, but I don’t think Rain had anything to do with Them: Most likely Humidity, the only blind date the mid-80-degrees (F) could come up with, tried to pass Itself off as Rain.
Kayla was here from around 11:15 A.M. until around 2:20 P.M. She is becoming a “handful”!
Granny wasn’t the only one that cried for me when I chose circus as a “career”: The elderly landlady of the Birmingham, AL, boarding house (near Highland Avenue) bawled when she found out that I would be attending the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus Clown College: As I recall, she was sick and lying in bed (was she dying?). I was standing four or five feet from her right side. Her elderly female attendant (white) was trying to calm her by saying “Let him try it for awhile.” or something in my favor.
Incidentally, I would arrive back home from performing at the Jewish Community Center – “Man of La Mancha”? “Fiddler on the Roof”? – with most of the make-up still on my neck and face. The pillowcase would be stained. The landlady brought this to my attention one day.
If I had sacrificed myself to Past for a well-formed Future, it would all been worth it! But not this!

(acerca de 5:51 P.M.) I exclaimed to Joyce this afternoon - Kayla was in th__ room – that I hope Bill didn’t learn his unorganized work style from Southern Alloy, his place of employment for over twenty years. If so, I went on to say, I don’t know how that place has stayed in business as long as it has!
Actually it makes perfectly good sense that Bill lacks self-discipline and is un-organized: If he took the initiative and did things his way, he wouldn’t be middle management: Middle management is where you say “how high” on the way down! A person is a “straw boss” not to think, but to parrot the decisions of the upper-level management to the workers. Why do you think it’s called “straw boss”?
Bill did exactly what the instructions “said” in erecting the shed. I must admit that it is not a bad job! But he isn’t finished with it: Instead of arranging his non-work time to accommodate completion of the shed, he services it whenever he can fit it in. He should have never began the project!
One thing, though: The sun heats the inside air way beyond what’s safe for gasoline! The way things are going, though, it will most likely be the dead of winter before the shed is ready to house the lawn mower fuel!

(acerca de 7:15 P.M.) Look at how the electronic media has changed in less than ten years: There are many more vehicles on television, what with cable, Direct TV, etc. Not to mention entertainment on the internet! Surely I will be able to find a venue or two for a 1-2-year Come Back! Especially if I continue to modify my clown character and bring it into sharpe focus by educating the vessle! And If I keep getting insights into juggling like I did this early evening: I never realized how critical it was to throw that first club up! And that every throw is a “first”: The second “first,” the third “first,” . . . the hundredth “first,” etc. One doesn’t juggle a half-minute: One does one jug over and over again as long as possible.
Something else to keep in mind: When one juggles as fast as I do, even the tiniest off-timing can make all the difference in the world! “Can,” hell! Does definitely! (continued)




Ad: