Nadia

wet blanket
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2016-03-01 14:14:08 (UTC)

You're the reason

When I'm interested in someone and consider dating them, you're the reason I won't.

You're the reason that I think of empty stomachs and sleepless, lonely nights.
You're the reason I think about that empty room and the drained eyes.
You're the reason I think about the huge void that was left in my chest.
You're the reason I couldn't eat.
You're the reason I couldn't look at myself in the mirror.
You're the reason I never feel like I'm enough.
You're the reason I'm angry, all the time.
You're the reason I can't give people my everything.
You're the reason I feel vulnerable when I open up.
You're the reason I would hide in the corner of my room every night and cry until I couldn't any more.

I want to feel normal again. But the bad thoughts start coming in as soon as things get a little bit serious. Doubts start pouring in. We'll just end up hating each other. Is there even any point. I always ruin everything. I'm sure he just won't want me after awhile. He'll start seeing all my imperfections, and he will. Because there's so fucking many. I just feel so damaged sometimes and I don't want to be.
It's like as soon as I feel good about something I have to think of all the bad things, and stuff that could go wrong. I'm so fucking pessimistic all the time. Like about fucking everything.
But it's true if you just don't fucking trust people or tell them anything you're not going to get fucking hurt or if you just don't expect anything from anyone you'll be fucking fine maybe I should just stick with that because every fucking person is a stupid cunt.


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