✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
To Be Human
Dear Reader,
I don't know if this happens to other people,
but in my family,
it happens a lot.
My grandparents are so adamant to be right about everything all the fucking time, that they'll literally get unnecessarily aggressive, and even violent about it if we dare defy it.
Honestly, it's pathetic.
To be human, is to be flawed.
No one is right all the time.
It's actually healthy for personal growth to be able to identify when you're wrong, and work to correct it.
I understand why it's hard too, because of the way being wrong is treated.
When you're wrong about something, other people use it to insult you,
and question your intelligence.
Everyone wants to be right because of this.
I'm no angel, I'm guilty of denying the possibility of being wrong.
I know it's something I need to work more on.
But my grandparents take it to an extreme.
I'd never correct them to insult them.
That's never my intention when I do it.
It's always because I'm defending myself.
Like for example,
I guess this story counts as an "It Still Bugs Me" addition also.
The first time I ever bought something online,
I told my grandma the cost of each item multiple times.
I remember specifically one of the times was at a stop sign near our house. I remember telling her once in the kitchen also.
I know I told her in more places also.
I bought two T-shirts from Hot Topic.
One was a baby blue Tuxedo shirt, and a Gunter's Anatomy T-shirt.
If you know Hot Topic, you know that their T's cost from $15-25.
The Gunter shirt costed $16.99, and the tuxedo shirt was on sale for $3.99.
( I also got 2 hooded denim vests, and my very first two pin-back buttons.)
I told her this. I know I did.
I was so excited when the package finally arrived.
It was short lived however, because she asked to see the bill.
Once she saw that the Gunter shirt costed $16.99, she was furious.
She accused me of lying to her about the price.
She said that I told her that BOTH the shirts were on sale and costed $3.99.
I tried to defend myself, but it was no use.
She was already convinced otherwise.
It really hurt me, honestly.
I couldn't believe she thought I would lie to her about the price.
She would have seen the bill when the package arrived, so there was no way I'd have gotten away with it.
She told me that was the last time I'd ever buy something online,
since I couldn't be trusted to be honest about the cost.
I made the mistake of confiding this with my little brother,
who brought it up at the dinner table.
Which pushed her into another fit of rage,
And she walked around the kitchen aggressively cleaning it,
and screaming about how I lied to her, about how horrible I was.. etc.
I tried to stand up for myself,
I tried reminding her of the times that I told her about the costs,
but she kept repeating over and over before I even finished talking, very hatefully that they never happened.
So, I just told her:
"You just don't remember it."
To which she stomped her foot, and shouted at me redfaced:
"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN. DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT EVER AGAIN."
I just gave up.
I knew I'd never convince her otherwise.
My aunt told us once before to not correct her...
"Because you make her feel stupid when you do that."
So, It's okay for her to accuse me of something I did/didn't do/say, and and getting in trouble for whatever it is, when I'm actually innocent, instead of defending myself...
JUST because she refuses to consider she could possibly be wrong?
Like I said earlier, I NEVER do it to insult her.
What's even worse is that she actually DOES try to make US feel stupid. She actually does do it to insult us.
It's perfectly okay for her to do it to us, but it's not okay for us to do it period. Because she'd rather treat us like shit,
than to consider she could ever be wrong.
Her memory has progressively gotten worse over the years...
It really bothers me when she's so obsessed with being right, that she'll try to convince me that something happened that actually didn't... or that me or someone else said something that they didn't say. She'll try to make me feel like I'm crazy.
Like, she'll get an idea in her head about something, or about me,
and it doesn't matter how unrealistic, or impossible, or horrible it is, there's no convincing her otherwise.
And, no matter how much you argue, it won't phase her.
She will literally take it to the grave believing it.
I remember a long time ago,
Back when I hated the way I dressed,
My grandma, my aunt, and I went shopping,
And I didn't like the shirt I was wearing,
So I grabbed my jacket to wear over it.
To be fair, I didn't like the jacket either,
but it was better than the shirt.
So, as I was putting it on,
My grandma saw it,
and told me to take it off.
Apparently, from what she gathered from it,
Despite it was fall, and cold enough for a jacket,
Was that I must be wearing it to cover up my fucking breasts,
because I was ashamed of them.
I was so confused.
I have never been ashamed of my chest. I actually liked my chest.
I have never tried to cover them up before, besides trying to abide by the school dress code which basically shunned cleavage.
She sprung this on me, and I tried to explain to her that it was my shirt I was trying to cover, but she wasn't having any of it.
I didn't have a choice,
I had to go without the jacket.
And I was obviously upset about it.
She kept repeating throughout the store,
That I shouldn't be ashamed of what god gave me etc. etc.
It was so frustrating.
I tried explaining it to her, but she wouldn't believe me.
She came up with this idea about how she thought I felt, and dismissed how I ACTUALLY felt, because she can't be wrong. Ever.
And even if I WAS ashamed of my chest and was trying to cover them up, forcing me to uncover them wouldn't have helped me suddenly be proud of them! If anything it would make me feel even MORE uncomfortable and ashamed, and want to cover them MORE.
The logic in this woman I fucking swear.
And honestly, it's even worse whenever I am actually wrong, and when she's right.
Because she just has this shit-eating "I told you so" look on her face.
It's really childish...
Now I will admit that I was wrongish about something we argued about today.
She told me that I had sat up and watched TV with R, one of my brothers one night while I was sick.
I didn't remember that at all.
This came up because I said I couldn't look at a screen for long when I was sick because it hurt my eyes.
I remember that it was like, on the third day and it wasn't with R, it was with E, my little brother, that I did in fact stay up a little late to watch TV with.
He got up because he wasn't feeling well.
I was still up because I had slept for literally 2 days and a half, and couldn't fall asleep, and was watching the TV to hopefully tire me out.
The way she treated me about it though is what bothered me.
Sincerely,
HumanBeing
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