LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2016-02-15 16:37:24 (UTC)

Like Every Other Girl

"Silver Springs" by Fleetwood Mac [no doubt I've done this song before]


February 15, 2015 Monday 3:37 PM


Life went like this:

Saturday, I woke up (reluctantly) at 7:15 or more likely 7:20-something, but the point is it was early and I had gone to bed at 2 in the morning. By 8, I was at the YMCA because we all know (and by "we" I pretty much mean me – who are you? Do you know me? okay) I don't get up early voluntarily.

So at the YMCA, I met Meekah and this guy named Justin. Justin replaced Kenny as the head of the Achiever's program when Kenny moved away last month, so yeah. I like Justin. Kenny was cool, but Justin is a much better organizer and he's weird as fuck. It's nice. So yeah, apparently no one else from Achievers showed up at the YMCA, so Meekah and I were the only kids from my city going to the Youth Summit (if you don't know what that is, it's basically a couple of workshops with kids from nearby cities, held at whatever college they feel like holding it at. Usually had to do with social stuff, like gender and race and general relationships and goals. Yeah. It's boring as fucking fuck and I kind of lowkey hate it, but I go anyway because I'm supposed to care and on some level I do).

The ride to the Capital Region was really nice. It's only half an hour at the most, which sucks because I like the long trips, but that's good enough. Me and Meekah talked and Justin bought me food from Dunkin Donuts. I drank from Meekah's coolatta thing, which would later turn out to be a mistake because earlier this week she was sick

(she won't admit she was sick, god damnit. She goes, "I'm dizzy and I feel so tired and ugh I wanna die," so I say, "You're sick." Of course, Meekah says, "I'm not sick. I don't get sick. I'm just a little less healthy than I usually am.")

and apparently those germs hadn't left the building quite yet. That is why I endured a sore throat all weekend and am now suffering from a cough. "Suffering" is an exaggeration. The whole sick-y situation (hah) did little to bother me. It's not like I have any right to curse the gods – we don't have school all week, I'm not missing any precious down time.

OH! bUt on the car ride with Meekah, Justin stopped at a gas station, riiiight? Riiiight? Okay. Well I was sitting in the car talking with Meekah

(she always says I'm her best white friend even when we both know I'm not white. Well, SHE knows I'm not white. I forget sometimes, because people are always surprised when I say I'm not and it makes me feel like a liar??? Like you can only be hispanic if you have an accent or... or whatever it is everyone thinks hispanic people are)

and. Okay, people tend to think I'm Meekah's girlfriend. This is because she's always putting her hand on my thigh or, I dunno, being lovey dovey but what people don't understand is that this is a very platonic thing.

I let other people set the boundaries in relationships. I've already said that. So when other girls are comfortable being really close, I'm pretty comfortable with it too. This is why some people think me and Liv are dating too, she's a very touchy person, open with her affections.

(On Friday or something, Liv was all, "what are you getting me for valentine's day?"

I said, "Nothing????? Hell na, dude, I'm staying home and buying MYSELF chocolate"

Liv, "Whaaaat???!?! why noooot??!?!"

Me, "I'm not going out of my way to buy you chocolate!"

Liv, "*insert some playful whining here*"

Me, fake irritated, "Okay FINE, if I HAPPEN to go to CVS, i'll buy you some chocolate, Jesus Christ."

Isaac then goes, "you act like you're in a relationship."

Neither of us commented on this because we kind of do, and I like it. Best friendship is something I am enjoying immensely)

OKAY POINT IS POINT IS:

I was telling Meekah about how people do this to me a lot, mistake me for a lesbian, and was saying I wish that guys were able to make themselves this relaxed around me because when other people are nervous I get nervous!!! Ah.

Micah then said some stuff in reply, most of which I can't remember. I DID remember the compliments though! She said I was pretty and cute, isn't that nice??? Also, she won a prize – a YMCA drawstring bag – while at the Youth Summit and gave it to me!!!!!! Ah!!!


Okay, so Sunday. I was sick, as mentioned above. And also gross-looking. But my parents bought me chocolate and, AND since I was all sore and things, my momma made me food and ginger tea the whooooole day. I felt like a child and it was wonderful, everyone was in a nice mood.

It was amazing. I was pampered with hot drinks and hot food and room temperature chocolate (which is more delicious than it sounds – plus my house, despite what the thermostat says, feels like an icebox).

I got some new pants on Saturday and they fit me really nice. And they feel so good... the only issue is they're a little big around the waist so I might have to exchange them for a smaller pair...

oh my GOD!

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE BEST PART. I WATCHED THE BEST WORST MOVIE EVER. SEE I'VE BEEN REALLY INTO SOUTH PARK LATELY AND SO I WAS LOOKING UP TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE (I was impressed by their background, yo) AND FOUND OUT THEY MADE THIS MOVIE CALLED "CANNIBAL: THE MUSICAL" SO I FUCKING WATCHED IT ON YOUTUBE AND IT WAS AWESOME.

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY AS HELL. STUPID, BUT HILARIOUS.

I BONDED WITH ALEXIS OVER IT. SHE HASN'T SEEN IT YET BUT SHE LIKES DUMB HUMOR TOO (we talk about South Park together) SO I THINK SHE'LL APPRECIATE IT. AHHH.

I'm coughing excitedly.

Oh, I wasted two hours of my day today reading fanfictions. And they were so angsty too. Ugh. God. They were South Park fanfictions. i swear that community has a life of its own. Sure, they take the characters and their childhoods, but then most writers twist it into something completely different, something a lot more serious.

There are a few fanfictions that manage to capture the spirit of the show but mostly not. So whenever I read the angsty stuff, as long as it's portrayed realistically, I pretty much imagine that it's something separate from the TV show, connected only by names. If the fics are stand alone, some of them can be called good. Great even. I hope these people write original stuff, some of them are actually very talented.

Dude, I could read all day.

!!! Um! If I don't go now, I might starve to death bc I haven't eaten all day.

Had a nightmare. This guy I know came over. I didn't like him more than I'd like any acquaintance, but for some reason, I really wanted to have sex with him???? But we got in a fight and he left and I was annoyed/sad. I think he told me I was, "immature" and "just like every other girl" and I fucking hate those insults because it's so mean???? I mean to everyone. What's worse is they actually hurt me, even though I KNOW I'm petty and childish deep in my core (I pretend like it's not there, but it is). Even though I KNOW "just like every other girl" should not be a source of offense.

Girls are the best thing I've ever encountered. I can't think of one girl that I actually hate. Wait, yes I can. Jamie. I hate that girl. She's a narcissistic asshole, attention-seeking brat. No, even her, I don't hate. But I'm pretty sure she's got a personality disorder, or some kind of severe chemical imbalance. She's really not a good person. I accidentally bumped into her a few days ago, received the dirtiest look I've ever gotten. I wanted to punch her. I had apologized too, not like I had meant to do it. It's just i had to go to class and there were people in my way. I had misjudged the amount of space there was between her and the dumb crowd.

(That's not why I dislike her or anything. She's very mean to people. She used to give me back handed compliments all the time, overstepped her boundaries even when I made them clear, insulted me, used me for what I had, told me all about how depressed she was but I know that that's not the whole truth. I don't claim to be omniscient, but I think I'm okay at reading people – she's a liar. She needs professional help.

I've actually been room mates with a compulsive liar before. I was thinking about her the other day, thinking about how she stole my jeans and who knows what else. I liked her, but she annoyed me because I could tell she was such a god damn liar, I could tell. I hope she's okay now, though. We were all in there for a reason)

Ugh! Point is, I don't hate girls. Or any boys. Wait. I deeply dislike these two boys I know of... Hmm. AH. Most girls are really nice to me, compliment me or help me out if I need it. If they're mean, they're mean behind me back, but I really doubt anyone's that interested in talking shit about me.

So, um, yeah. I'm mad that I was insulted by that, "every other girl," thing, making it seem like it's not okay to worry about boys or get emotional. Because you can still do those things while being intelligent and... I don't fucking know. You can still be interested in a world of things while crying over a boy. That's not all you are. Sometimes, people make it seem like it's either boys or brains. It's not, though. And me saying this isn't news, it's not brand new. But still, people have a hard time wrapping their heads around it. Hell, I obviously have trouble with it. It's so much easier to see the world in two colors, but ugh, it's so ugly that way.

Okay, well. Adios.


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