Nadia

wet blanket
2016-02-09 13:26:51 (UTC)

I just don't know if I'm being used...

I just don't know if I'm being used. Does he feel anything for me? should I even bother. I probably shouldn't everything always goes badly and fucks up for me there's no fucking point. I know I had a chance with him once. But I didn't feel like I do now. Why am I like this. It feels different. It doesn't feel like he's giving me... I'm not sure it's just like he's not fully there. I don't know how to explain it, it's just different from last time. He probably can't be fucked giving it his all because of last time. Constantly the biggest fuck up. I just don't know if I can do it anymore, I really have been thinking about cutting everyone off and just working. I'm thinking about writing my suicide letters soon. I'm going to give everyone my everything in them. When I say letters, more than one, is because I want to write one for each person that I feel deserves one. Just so they know exactly how I felt about them. I want them to know my thoughts, I just always feel so fucking introverted and fake. Because I'm never myself around everyone.

I'm just always that person that says something and it's.. dismissed? Like what I have to say is unimportant most of the time and I just always wonder why I'm with people when I am. What do they get out of it. I feel like they either; want to lay all their problems on me, fuck me or use me for tobacco.

I don't care when people tell me not to smoke, I know it's bad for me, why do you think I do it? it's the slow cowards way of dying but maybe it's just not quick enough for me anymore.


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