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2016-02-02 21:07:01 (UTC)

My heaven and my hell

It's always a challenge naming my writings since they will mostly
maintain several topics at once. This writing will be no different. Haha

Before i start this writing i like to mention that, at the point where this
story starts, i am unknown with numerology in any form, infact, at the
begining of this journey i thought it was complete nonsense. Synchronicity
wasn't even part of my vocabulary. I simply did not know what it was
about. All of this started coming into my life about 6/7 years ago. Even though
i was known with precognitive dreaming and some other minor accidents,
nothing on earth could prepare me for what was going to unfold right infront
of my eyes.

After years (most of my life) of hardships, i had a hard time finding myself,
let alone love myself. As i grew older yet still kept going from one hardship to another,
i started to wonder. The wonder started with the most well known question
"why?" Why does this keep happening to me? I asked myself that same question,
over and over again. Lucky for me i had lots of chances finding out.
But like any other lesson that needs to be learned, no matter how many chances
it takes, you WILL learn it eventually. So did i.

I learned that due the process of goimg through hardships, i programmed my brain
in such a way i kept attracting more and more hardships.
Once i understood this, i knew there was lots of work to be done.
So i hit the library and searched for every esoteric book in there.
I.already understood the principle of, getting everything you need,
whenever you need it. So i guess it was no wonder that the first book i got my hands on
was the exact right book for me to start working on myself with and to reprogram my brain. From that moment on i was hooked and fully comitted to turn my life around
using this new, obviously empowering, knowledge to become the best possible
version of me i can be.

In this time i start to really get to know myself. Sometimes it's hard and uncomfortable
to say the least, but it is so worth it. Once i got to know and understand myself better
it got much easier accepting and starting to love myself.
Once i started to understand, accept and loving myself, my whole life
started to change. I'de already been through hell and back so being at that
place of loving and accepting myself, i started to love and enjoy
all the little things that we (most of us) take for granted most of the time.
Being at that place, after so many failed relationships, i finally came to the
conlusion, pure happiness comes from within. It's true!
So now that i learned and fully understand all of this and staryed to act on it,
The magic began, and with that, my own personal

Heaven and Hell

Im single, happier than ever and enjoying life to the fullest.
I am being pleaged by some reocurring progressing dreams though,
but, like always, at the same time i love and am deeply
intreaged by dreams. It's just that, these dreams have been coming
back for over two years now. Dreams about a person i haven't seen
half of my life. I know dream characters are mostly a representation
of yourself, i just did not seem to get the point why, for over two
years, my main dream character would be this particular
same person. The other part kinda bothering me was the fact that
these dreams were progressive 98% of the time. A story unfolding
dream by dream.

Meantime i started to notice reocurring numbers popping up everywhere
i would look. At first i thought it was all merely coincidence.
After a longer period of time i started thinking that maybe it wasn't
just coincidential. Maybe there is more to this but again, maybe
i'm just crazy. However,

Once again i awake one morning after a intens dream about this same man
i'm dreaming about for over two years by now. It keeps amazing me how real
and vivid these dreams are. After waking up i can still smell him, feel him
and feel his presence. These dreams always kept me bussy most of the day but
this day i had something to set my mind off of it. A ladies night out.

The girls get ready and head of downtown. There is this little pitoresk street filled
with bars and small dancingclubs. We always stray this little street
up and down looking for the next place that sooths our mood. While we walk up
my head turns right.... And my heart skippes a beat!

There he is, the male main character of my dreams for the past two
somewhat years. Somewhat overjoyd, thinking "it's about time!"
i walk up to him and greet him. He is clearly happy to see me after all
these years. We talk for just a few minutes but in those few minutes
lots was said.it feels very natural and familiar. He desides to give me
his phonenumber and that we should stay in touch. After that, we both
went our own way spending the evening with our own friends.

The day after i couldn't stop thinking how i finally ran in to him nor
could i stop thinking about all that had been said. It sure brought back
a lot of memories. Even though i knew i wouldn't call
him right away, i was overjoyd knowing he had give me his number
and wanted to stay in touch, so i will call or text him in a few days,


While i couldn't stop thinking about him, i just could not bring
myself to calling or even texting him. Meanwhile i kept seeing
these annoying numbers showing up everywhere i would look.
At this time all of it, my dreams, the reocurring numbers, "signs",
even more than ever i started thinking i must be going somewhat
crazy. All this intens dreaming followd by this crazy intens meeting,
this can't be normal, so i got scared.
Still i wanted to, i really did and as time went by, it only got harder.

Some weeks go by and even though i keep having dreams, i shaked the
thought of contacting him off and moved on. It's time for another ladies
night out. But even though this was our ussual night out,
this night was different. I kept having this feeling of running in to
him again. My eyes were everywhere but i was determent that if i
would see him, i wouldn't run up to him this time. I'de rather avoid
him at this moment. Needless to say, i had a hard time enjoying
myself. Yet i carried on with my friends, trying to have a good time
dispite my personal stupid anxiety. While we walk through our
favourite little street i deside to use the restroom in the next bar
we pass. I realize i have never been inside of this bar so i have no
clue which way to go so, while i pass a crowd in a hurry to try and find
out which way to go, i turn my head and bump into a much bigger person.

I look up to see who i'm bumped in to and my heart drops.
It's him. I'm feeling all kinds of things. I can tell by his eyes that he is really
disappointed and unhappy with me not contacting him.
To be honest, i was as disappointed at myself as he was.
We again talked for a bit and he, as i know him no other way,
expressed his honest feelings about me not contacting him.
This time he would not let me get away without him taking
my phonenumber aswell so he was asured we would stay
intouch this time. And again, after a few minutes talking we
went on with our night out with our own friends and i had an
amzing night out.

Next day we started texting and the reconnection was made.

To Be Continued!