Story of a Girl
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2016-01-23 22:25:37 (UTC)


Aha, I'm just glad the school week is over. Actually, I'm REALLY glad. I was running late and I thought Leó might be the baby daddy for real this time but turns out aunt flow surprised me during class yesterday, so hooray to not being pregnant! I was actually talking to this one girl in my spanish class yesterday because some guy passed by saying his sister was acting weird and how she was probably on her period or something, and then the girl and I started talking about how guys always assume we're on it or whatever. Noooooooo, no that's not always true. I'm actually the nicest that I'll ever be, but I guess I'm just trying not to blow up in everyone's face. I mean, I get more easily irritated then usual, but I try to be a nice and happy person to everyone around me that isn't related to me by blood. My parents have to deal with my moods whether they like it or not because they're the ones who decided not to use a condom and that's not MY fault. And my sisters too, but they're all fucking stupid and it's hard not to get mad at them. But yeah, for the most part, I keep the anger under control and don't go on a rampage like some girls do. And like the girl said, "I'm not mad because I'm on my period, maybe I'm just having a bad day!" Yesss! Besides, it's not like we purposely want to cry over spilled milk or no more chocolate. We can't exactly help with the sudden decrease of hormone levels. Oh, the joys of being female. I seriously hate when guys say it's no big deal. I'm lucky enough to just deal with mood swings, but other girls have to deal with cramps, heavy bleeding, and it can be a super uncomfortable experience for some and guys can't say they know what it's like.

But aside from all this, the short school week was pretty okay. I can't complain. Actually, I can, but I'm very calm right now. I wouldn't be my whiny self if I didn't complain, though.

So, Wednesday went by okay. I got to school a few minutes earlier than usual and I noticed that my teacher was actually kind enough to show the new seating chart up on the smartboard. As I was sitting down at my new seat, he looked at me and said, "I moved you up closer to where the action is." So I thanked him and started on my warm-up. At the beginning of the year, he had me sitting in the corner (which wasn't all bad because I could lean against the wall) and I had two other kids sitting with me but they never showed up to class more than once or twice a month so I was basically by myself. Now, I sit near his desk. Let me just say, even after three days, I'm having a hard time adjusting to the new seating. I'm used to being by myself, and I'm used to using the empty seat beside me to rest my feet on and also to hold my backpack. I can't do that now because I actually have someone that sits beside me. I'll get used to it eventually, I guess. Dulce sits at the table in front of me, soooo. Also, a bunch of new students came in, which is weird because I've already gotten used to seeing all the old familiar faces--it's mostly just the kids who never showed up to class or never did work that left, except for the girl who used to sit in front of me at my old group, she's still in the class. Bralin is gone now (I'm going to miss seeing him humping his desk and hearing the desk squeak as he said "you needa hit her with da baby strokes first bruh"), Deonta (and not Deontay??) and Angel are still in the class but they're separated now and for the first time since school started, Deonta is ACTUALLY attempting to learn! Holy fuck. Actually, a bunch of the older students are actually participating now. Like, there's this asian girl named Ganga (just learned her name today) who speaks one of those asian languages 24/7 and she had this asian guy in the class who she spoke to every day, but now he's gone and Thursday was my first time actually hearing her say something in English. She doesn't have the typical asian accent, but her accent is thick as fuck. l legit confused her accent for that of someone from South Africa--and if she actually is from South Africa, that'd be cool as hell. But y'know, I'm glad that she's actually trying to pass now. Anyway, everything was going nicely yesterday until I took a closer look at the seating chart and noticed something. That same kid from geometry last year, the one that sat beside me (I was apparently the only one who could handle him but that's bullshit) and pissed me the fuck off? YEAH. He's in the class now. SO, FUCK YOU, UNIVERSE. I had him for biology freshman year. I had him for geometry sophomore year. And now I have him for algebra 2 this year. I want to kill myself now, thanks. I seriously thought that this would be the school year where I wouldn't share a class with him but the universe hates me. The universe took a shit on what was starting to seem like a good start to the semester. I'm fucking done, man. My teacher doesn't know what's coming for him, either. He was absent Wednesday, but he was here for the other two days and I'm surprised he didn't slap my back and yell out, "WASSUP FAM, YOU WANNA HELP ME OUT??" He hasn't said anything, so I won't complain. Apart from that, I apparently missed out on a lot of work in class. The lesson had something to do with rational exponents or whatever, and it's fairly simple, I just need a bit more practice without having to use my notes as a reference. We were working on that yesterday, too, and I'm getting the hang of it. I'm actually really proud because during one of the examples we had to work out ourselves, one of the two problems was simplifying (x cubed y to the seventh power) and (xy squared) to the third power so I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing but I started with the xy squared and I multiplied both the x and y exponents by three. The x had one as its exponent so I got x cubed and y had two as its exponent so I multiplied that one and got y to the sixth power. Then, I just added those results with the other x and y for the final answer, x to the sixth power and y to the thirteenth power. That was pretty simple, really. I'm glad that the lesson I missed wasn't something too difficult or else I wouldn't have been able to catch up so quickly. Also, there's two kids on one side of my table and me and the girl sitting next to me on the other side. The guy sitting across from me is an asian who's "too cool for school" but the guy next to him is kind of a nerd (me too, kinda). I don't talk to any of them, but the nerdy guy gets really annoying because he makes this kind of pig snort. Like, we'll be taking notes and then I'll hear the pig snort and cringe a little. I don't know why he does it, I don't really want to know, but I'll get used to that in time, too. It's just kind of weird to me because I look up, searching to see if there's a live pig in the room somewhere. I almost yelled out "Mr. Piggy?" yesterday. Jeez, I'm so mean.

I didn't miss too much in APUSH, either. On Tuesday, my teacher gave out the review sessions time and dates for the AP test and we also had homework and a packet to take notes on, but I was gone so I didn't get it until Wednesday when I went to class. The homework was due Thursday and we finished the packet that day too, so I was able to get caught up. We started another one on the labor union, but it's nothing major and we finished it yesterday. As for the review sessions, we have a total of 20. Starting February 9th, we'll be meeting after school for an hour twice a week, every tuesday and thursday, and the only exception is Wednesday during spring break. I'm a little nervous, but at the same time, excited. This test seriously feels like it's still a year away but we're taking this test in four months! FOUR! As much as I don't want to go, I'll be planning to go to every review session because I honestly need the help, I don't think I'm ready to take the AP test. And y'know, physics is different now. Guy and I walked into class on Wednesday singing I Will Survive and we even did our best disco moves. We were actually just mirroring the same moves from That 70's Show because we couldn't find any other easy disco choreograph--something easy to memorize in five minutes. We were actually doing the booty/hip bump but he bumped me a little too hard and I almost fell face first into the garbage can and that's when the fun stopped. My teacher just gave us this weird face and said, "Ah, man, I remember when disco was popular. Gloria was my jam!" And then he just went on to talk about a date he took a girl on. But basically, he nicknamed us the walking/dancing jukebox. HELL YEAH. Everything was going fine until my teacher started taking attendance and told us that Whiteboy Christian had been moved out of the class... Yet another one falls into the pits of hell, aka the stupid counselors making unnecessary schedule changes when no one wants them. Nikea had that happen to her, too. So now our little group went from five to three: the original (tan) Christian, me, and Guy. I almost begged whiteboy to stay, but... I have too much pride to do that. So not only did we LOSE students, but the people who never do work are actually participating, too! Even Antonio, fuck. Wednesday and Thursday were spent taking notes on the new unit, Momentum... For once, I might actually understand something in physics. My teacher confused the fuck out of my class with the algebra equations, but I realized that all he was doing was moving one piece to the other side of the equation. For the past couple of months that I've been in his class, all I had to do was MOVE TO THE OTHER SIDE. Holy shit, I am stupid. In my defense, the entire class didn't know how to that, either. My teacher never really explained what he was doing, so we all just kind of gave up trying to figure out what he had done. Nikea is trying to get back into our physics class because she still has physics, but with the other teacher who is equally a bad teacher as ours. The difference is that he grades harshly and my teacher curves everything for us because he loves us. At least whiteboy still has our teacher, just the period before us. Thursday, we walked in to class singing and dancing to Respect by Aretha Franklin. I was singing the actual song and he was the backup singer(s?) and we were doing a little dance. We couldn't think of a good and easy choreography to go with the song so we just kind of went with the flow. Guy was hiding behind me and popping out whenever it his was turn to sing and I was just kinda snapping/pointing my fingers and a bunch of other hand motions. And yesterday, we came in singing Never Gonna Give You Up and we did the little Astley wiggle and MAN, the kid from my chemistry class last year yelled out, "DID I JUST GET RICK ROLLED IN 2016?" Yessum. My teacher laughed at us and said we were making him all nostalgic. To be honest, that's just a classic, and even though the song is like 20 years old, it's STILL better than all the mainstream music today. Also, Rick Astley is cute as hell. I have one question, though: is he single? I'm legal in two years, Astley! And I'm totally kidding, but if he were a bit more younger and I were a bit older... the years have treated him well. Veeeeery, very well. His voice isn't as deep as it used to be, though, but that's okay because he's still attractive as fuck.

Spanish has been pretty uneventful all week. The desks have been placed in groups of four since Tuesday, but we weren't assigned to sit at a particular desk so when I got there Wednesday, I just sat at the desk closest to the middle of the classroom and eventually people just sat at my group. A girl sat with me and two other guys, but only because the teacher made them sit with us. We're the good influences, supposedly. We've been discussing behavior, customs, and values and have been taking notes on them. Wednesday was interesting because we had to make a chart on our paper and list things under those three categories, so I started looking in my backpack for my ruler to make my chart look pretty... except my ruler wasn't there. My teammates sent me up to the board to write down our team values but then I saw my ruler on the teacher's laptop cart so I asked if it was mine and she said, "Is it yours? You might have left it here, I just found it and started using it to smack the kids. You can have it if you want." It was a REALLY pretty ruler, but I told her to keep it as I'd just get another one. I guess I must have left it behind when we were working on the posters before exam week, hm. No worries, though (maybe a little, it was a reallyyy pretty ruler). Yesterday, she announced that we would be needing binders for that class so I asked my dad to take me to Walmart and he said he'd take me tomorrow. I'll buy my binder, and maybe buy myself a new ruler (or the same one if I can find one) and the white out that Walmart never seems to have in stock.

Lunch on Tuesday was actually really interesting, or at least in the beginning.

I gotta tell a little story though because this memory is kind of a good one. So back when I was on the cheer team, my coach (later found out she would be my algebra teacher) was going to have us do some kind of dance along with stunts for the first week of school assembly. She gave us the opportunity to choose a song, but the majority of the girls wanted to do "dirty" songs, aka mainstream songs that talk about sex/drugs/money, with a bunch of booty shaking and boob popping and a bunch of other things that were definitely not school appropriate. My teacher immediately said no, so she decided she'd choose the song instead until some girl asked, "can we do a Madonna song? GLEE DID A COVER." My coach was a huge fan of Glee and Orange is the New Black, so my teacher thought about it and said sure, so we settled on dancing to Vogue. A little later, the coach changed her mind and said we would be dancing to 4 Minutes. There was apparently this episode on glee where the cheer kids did a Madonna song (I only watched season 3 of Glee, is that the one where that blonde girl gets in a car accident?) so my coach wanted to do something similar like that with the band kids, but the band kids were too busy working on their drill charts to make time for us. So, we stuck to just doing our little dance. We weren't going to be singing or anything like in the episode, but my coach wanted to have a similar set up. In my group, I had this really cool guy (because back then, dudes were actually interested in cheerleading) named Jacobi and he was my backspot. My main base was this girl named Mandi who was a little fluffier than the rest of us but god damn, her cartwheels amazed me, and my second base was this other girl named Kristina who had serious attitude but the four of us were like a small tightknit family. I was the flyer because I was the smallest, but I was also the lighest. The four of us managed to get down the choreography quickly--it started off with a bunch of dancing, and then it would end with us doing the basic cheer stunts. It was nothing too spectacular, but the stunts that were assigned to us were actually the hard part because I had to go from a libs to a scorpion, and I never really liked the transition. But, we got it all down in time for the first week of school and it went well, I think.

ANYWAY, I was walking out to where Mari and Taylor wait for me but they had already started walking. I missed one day and it's like I dropped out of school or something. It was kind of awkward because the guy Taylor had been talking to joined us, and his friends tagged along. I was just kind of third wheeling, and that's never fun. When we got down to the cafeteria, it was almost as if I didn't exist since I was the last person straying behind of the group, but that was fine. There were the usual ROTC/Subway stands and we had walked past them when I heard someone yell out, "Beebs, is that you?" so I turned around and who do I see? Mister Jacobi himself. He was a senior when I was a freshman so after I quit the team, we didn't even get to exchange phone numbers or anything. I greeted him and asked what he was doing and he explained how he was scouting current cheerleaders who were interested in college cheer. His school assigns random people to scout, and he had been chosen for just that day. He told me I looked a lot more grown up and then out of nowhere, he asked if I still remembered our routine so he broke out dancing and then I joined along with him and then he asked, "Were you playing the music in your head? Because I was." and then I yelled out "YES, SAME." I missed Jacobi so much. He sent me a friend request on facebook so we could keep in touch and he got all excited and wanted to have a little sleepover reunion with our group, so that's still a plan in the making. He's actually super serious about having this sleepover but I don't know if I'll actually make it. So, I hugged him goodbye and then I had to go catch up with Mari and the others who had already left me behind. Thursday, they actually waited for me but I was still third wheeling. No biggie, though. We got down to the cafeteria and the cheer stand was still there, but someone else was in charge. I was kind of hoping Jacobi would be there but nope. Taylor also announced that it was her last day at school because she was going to Adult Ed in order to catch up with her credits.. and my heart sank a little. Things just aren't going to be the same without her. Taylor is awesome, but I know Mari gets bored around me, and I'm not as fun as Taylor is. She kind of brings the fun into the group--I'm just the jukebox. I'm awkward and quiet and I'm not into all the hip hop mainstream things. So now, I'm going to have to step out of my comfort zone to keep Mari interested. I told Taylor she needed to visit, but man, I'm gonna miss her. I'm sure she'll do well enough to graduate on time. Yesterday, Mari was working the student store and since Taylor wasn't there, I had to find a way to keep myself occupied. After leaving fourth period, I was planning on walking Mari down to the cafeteria but I ended up spending just a little extra time in the restroom. By the time I left, I had around fifteen minutes left in my lunch period so I went over to the library and started copying notes and doing homework. The library is actually pretty peaceful, so if I don't have lunch with any friends next year, I guess I'll be spending my days in the library reading a book.

We got new assigned seats for English on Wednesday. I'm stuck with the kid who rarely shows up to school yet still passes, the kid who is always on his phone and never knows what he's doing, and the girl who never talks and does her own work when it's GROUP work.

I don't necessarily hate my group, but... it's so awkward. Like, when we had our very first group in the class, that was awkward as hell but this group is even MORE awkward. Thursday, we had to do a poster based off of the work from Wednesday, but we were split into larger groups, I guess that was fun. I wanted to do the drawings but the "popular" kids completely forgot about the other half of the group and left us wondering how to get the work done. Yesterday, the teacher gave us another surprise pop quiz from the reading and out of five-ish questions, I only got two right. The reading was based off of Self-Reliance (forgot the author) and the last question dealt with two individuals that were prosecuted for their beliefs and I WANTED to put Jesus and Socrates because they were wrongly prosecuted in our On Liberty reading... and those were the right answers. So, I need to slap myself for that. Some kid actually wrote "Jesus" and "Christ" and the guy in front of me actually tried to bribe the teacher, HA. He turned his test in and he wrote, "$10 for an A?" on the bottom corner of the test. He didn't get an A. After that, we finished up the posters and quickly presented them. Me and four others worked on the writing, the "popular" kids did the drawings (which were awful), and Cruz gave us all moral support. Once we did the four presentations, the kids that were missing on Tuesday had to take the evaluate test. I started it during class, but I actually finished it at 11PM last night... My grade, overall, went down BAD. My grade from October was 74.3% which was actually one of the best grades for the entire class because everyone had Ds and Fs. Then, in November, my grade went up to 79.9%. Still a C, but I could've gotten a B. Things started going down in December because my test score was a 63%, the worst so far. And yesterday's test for January was a 66%. Wow. I'm having so much difficulty concentrating and it's really bringing my grades down. I promise, though, my grade for the February evaluate test will be MUCH better, and I intend to keep that promise. I don't really know why I can't seem to concentrate, but I'll start working on fixing this issue.

In my student aid class, my teacher bought hundreds of Christmas lights boxes so he could hang them around the class. "It's not MY electricity bill, it's the school's." Thursday was the day all the lights were actually hung up. I spent the first twenty-ish minutes doing scantron grading, and then I ran the usual errands: wash the coffee pot, fill up the jugs with water, etc. I came back and for the most part, all the lights were hung up. The kids were all standing on the desks: the girls hanging papers on some of the solar lights and the guys stapling the christmas lights to the walls. At the end of class, we had a total of 28 boxes left over. 2,800 lights. The only issue was that the outlets couldn't handle all the electricity, so the guys would have to take them down and plug the lights into several outlets without taking out the electricity for the entire room. We had a substitute yesterday, and when we came in, we were all surprised to see the lights turned on. The boys were supposed to take the lights down, but apparently someone had already taken care of that. The sub took attendance and then asked if I was the aid, and then she asked for me to help the kids with their assignments. The kids work out of books similar to springboard, but the instructions said that they had to work on lessons 7 and 8. The kids were arguing with the teacher, saying that they were all on different lessons, and I helped them by agreeing and telling her that they all finished earlier than others but she kept arguing back. Then, the teacher was telling me to help the girls at my table and I said, "Well, I don't really know what they work on. I'm usually out running errands so I don't know what they talk about." but she was like, "Well, I'm telling you to help them." And I REALLY wanted to say something but she was just a sub so I was like "oh okay I guess" and basically, everyone hated the substitute. Next week won't be so bad, though, since the teacher is having a pizza party because the kids helped him put up the lights and everything. Honestly, the only reason why the teacher is doing this is because another teacher he collaborates with did it and it looked nice, but the teacher is adding his own spin to it by writing his name in lights on the ceiling. HA. The kids are pretty happy about not doing book work, though.

My dad told us Wednesday night that Eric was coming over, and I asked, "Who's Eric?" so my dad was laughing at my stupidity and kept asking, "You really don't know who Eric is?" and I kept saying no. The name sounded familiar, but I couldn't think of anything until it dawned on me: Valeria and Julieta have an older brother. That's went "OOOOOOOH, I KNOW ERIC!" and my dad kept laughing (not in the good way) and asked how I could have possibly forgotten about my own cousin. WEEEEEELL... He was an adult, I was twelve. He had a pregnant girlfriend, he worked, I rarely ever spoke with him, and then he moved back to Los Angeles and I never heard from him again. So yeah, I completely forgot he existed until my dad brought him up. My dad said he was coming with some other family members and they were either staying at a hotel or with us, they were undecided. Either way, we were expected to clean the house in case if they DID show up to our house. It was maybe around 5PM, but I invited Stephen over because I still owed him 6 more dinners--five now. Also, I wanted someone to talk with while I cleaned. I wasn't actually cleaning, though, because we were both seated at the table on our phones. I was watching the one video of Mark Wahlberg where he's on the catwalk and his pants fall down and he grabs his crotch, so I screamed out "WOOOOO BOY" and Steph was like "what are you watching" so he stood up to look over my shoulder and he grabbed my phone so I yelled out "hey that's mine" and he was like "don't watch that you have a boyfriend". So he gave me my phone back after I "promised" to stop watching "dirty videos" but then a little while later, he was like, "Hey, did you know that this is the marriage capital of the world?" But, like... how? Who would want to get married here in this scummy city when they could get married in California at the beach with the sand and the fishies? I've actually seen brides crossing the street to their hotels in the middle of traffic in the daytime. That's just romantic as hell, really. That's EXACTLY how I would want to spend my wedding day, dragging my $5000 WHITE dress against all the oil on the road while risking getting ran over by oncoming traffic. Fun. And really, the attractions here aren't all that great. The Bellagio, though, that's worth visiting. Or was it the Mirage? It's that one casino with all the shows like Criss Angel (NOT WORTH THE MONEY) or O or Zukana. The Beatles: LOVE is a definite go watch. I'd watch it again if I could. Anyway, I was still cleaning the living room when there was a bunch of loud banging on the screen door so Stephen got up and said "Don't worry, I'll protect your midget ass" but I told him I would've used him as a human shield anyway and when he opened the door, Zach and Jayson were on the other side so he let them in and of course, Jayson had his bottle of "water". I offered them a drink but he was like, "oh, no thanks. I already have my own WATER." and then he winked at me and I called him gross. I will never understand people and anything alcoholic. We were all listening to music, just chilling, while I took breaks from cleaning every once in a while. I was actually mopping when Zachary showed me this one clip from American Dad (I'm actually still watching all the episodes, I'm like on season 5 or 6 because I have no life) where there's this lady singing, "My love is pure, purely for money. Money from people, who I don't love. Old men disgust me, I'd never love one, unless they give me moneeeey! Hands across America, bitches." He looked and me and said that was my theme song so I turned to Jayson and he just took a swig of his vodka. TRUE, THOUGH. I do love my money. Money is like my best friend. There's this one girl from middle school, I forgot her name, but she asked me for fifty cents so I gave her the two quarters but she never paid me back the full amount, she only gave me 25 cents. I mean, it's been like five years now, I don't care about the quarter anymore, but... she never gave me my full amount. Just sayin'. Sooooo, I finished cleaning the entire house, and it wasn't until 10PM that my dad called me to say the guestd had arrived and to make sure they were comfortable while he made his way home. I was actually in the bathroom when Briana let them in to the house. When I came out, it felt so incredibly weird to be standing in front of Eric and his wife, I think her name was Flor? She's still super fucking pretty, too. When they still lived here, Flor was pregnant with her first child, Abril. Abril was sleeping when I saw her last night, but she looks to be around six or seven years old. They have a young boy (I forgot to ask for his name) who is three years old and he's suuuuuper cute, especially when he smiles. At first, I thought that the four of them were staying with us... NO. I WAS SO, SO INCREDIBLY WRONG. About a minute or two after my dad arrived, like 50 other family members stormed through the door and I had to greet each and every one of them. I honestly lost count of how many people were standing in my living room. I didn't recognize any of them, either... and that wasn't anywhere near being close to half the family. That's how I know I'm Mexican. So, while my dad caught up with all the family members, my sisters and I snuck back into my room to avoid talking with the adults. Briana also handed me a letter from the University of Portland. I was like, "wait, what? Why am I receiving a letter from a university?" At first, I was really excited because it was my first letter from a university, but then it dawned on me that I'm probably just receiving it to stir interest in the university. I read online that colleges buy your PSAT info or whatever and send letters to people who would likely qualify at their school... or even people who are nowhere near being close to qualifying. The latter is me, most likely. I DID sign up to be contacted when I took my PSATs, so I guess that was why I received the letter. Still, I was very interesting in the university, especially because Oregon is a neighboring state and not too far from here. It's like a 8 or 12 hour drive, maybe? The letter a gave me a web address and a login code, so I signed in to the web address and it basically told me to reconfirm my house address so that UP could send me some "Campus Visit Tips".. which I THINK is a sign that my test scores were absolutely horrible and they probably want me to do better. I dunno, but I'll have to wait until those papers come in to read them.

I spent most of my day today thinking about my future. The college letter definitely sparked my interest. Freshman year, this guy from the army told my class that we should have an idea of what we want to do after graduation by the time we're juniors, but I still don't have a 100% plan. Everyone in my class already has some kind of idea and they've already started researching colleges and everything and I'm kind of the odd potato because I don't even know if I WANT to go to college. Shit, I don't even want to be in high school, let alone pay to get a good education. My issue is, I'm probably going to end up going to Mexico with my dad and do the universities there accept the AP credit I'm earning here? How good are the universities there? And most importantly, IS THERE AN ALL-ENGLISH UNIVERSITY THERE? I will be absolutely miserable in an all-spanish speaking class. My spanish is horrible, and I'd do much better in an environment where I can speak English freely. I heard the universities there are much cheaper, too. I'm not trying to drown in student debt, and I don't want to be taking out loans. I'm not good enough to get scholarships, either. I really don't want to pay for college, but I want to make money, y'know? I'm just really conflicted. As for my career, I've got a few ideas. I like learning about the human body and how we function. My mom suggested that I could study to become a nurse--school won't be as long as medical school, plus, they make good money, I think. Being a nurse doesn't sound so bad, really, but I know myself, and I'll probably end up killing someone by accident. I know that there are laws in place for stuff like that, but still. I can deal with the sleepless nights and no bathroom breaks, too, but I'm also a little screamish when it comes to blood and needles. I can handle someone using a needle on me, but *I* can't use a needle on someone, especially if I'll be taking their blood. I don't know, but I'll keep the nurse occupation in mind. I also want to work with animals, so I was thinking that I could possibly be a veterinary? As far as my experience goes, I helped "heal" the limping dog when I was in middle school. I'm pretty proud of myself for that. And aside from all that, I want to be able to help people. I want to be able to make a difference somehow, y'know? I've grown up helping my sisters with their homework, and they've always told me that I make things simple for them to understand and they don't know it, but it makes me happy to hear that I can help them understand something. I guess I want to do the same for others, too, by becoming a teacher. I want to be able to teach kids the things that I never understood when I was their age, and I want to make it super simple for them. I think I'd be a pretty cool teacher, too. Like, I'll have a Freeday Friday where we'll take a short quiz during class and then the rest of the day will be free for them. But also, if one of my students doesn't feel well, then that's okay. They can sleep during class as long as they make up the work later on, and I'll be totally fine with them using their phones as long as they pay attention while I lecture. I'll bring in snacks every once in a while and I'll even set up a small charging area for them to charge their electronics. Like shiiit, I wanted this kind of stuff growing up. I want to be able to help these students grow up to be educated, but I also want to be like a parent figure for them. Like, if they're having personal problems, I want them to know that they can confide in me and I'll do my best to help them out and be there for them. I think being a teacher would be fun, but the only thing that's discouraging me is the pay. Teachers don't make a lot of money, and my whole idea of being an adult is to make as much money as possible. But other than pay, teaching could be fun. I want to teach english because it seems like the easiest choice, but I'm thinking of maybe teaching math, algebra to be exact. I don't want to teach elementary school or middle school, absolutely no. I'll be teaching high school, most likely 11th grade because juniors are a bit more mature than the freshmen. I'm not the best at math, but I know that a lot of kids struggle with math and I want to be able to help them understand math better.

So, I've got a few ideas about a possible career. I've been thinking about my own life, too. I would like to own a house with stairs and a nice backyard, and a pool if possible, but I'm comfortable with the idea of living in a nice apartment. It's got security gates, and it'll be on the nice side of town. I'll probably rent a two room if I can afford it, and it'll be a small apartment, but it's going to have nice, fancy furniture. My theme will probably be black and white and I want my house to look fancy. I don't really care what kind of car I want as long as it gets me around. I'm thinking of a truck, though. I've always had a thing for trucks. And it'll be black or grey. I want a pomeranian and I'll probably take it to doggy school to have it trained. I'm also thinking of possibly moving somewhere where it rains A LOT. I want nature, and I want rain. I think it rains a lot in Oregon and Washington, so I'll look into those places. I don't know about any places in Mexico, but I'll have to look into that, too. I don't want to be living in the country side, I want to be living in the city. And that's all I have for now, but I probably won't be able to afford anything until I'm around my 50s or whatever, if I ever live to be that long. I don't think I'll even live long enough to graduate from college if I decide to go, honestly. But I don't know, I can't write out the future. I'm actually still ashamed of myself because my classmates all have high expectations for themselves. They're going to be driving Lamborghinis and Lincolns and they're going to be CEOs and I'm going to be stuck in high school teaching kids the y2 minus y1 over x2 minus x1. They're so ambitious, aiming to live in mansions, and I'm going to be living in a filthy apartment where the cops pass by every night. I kind of wish I could be as ambitious as them. It's like they're all 100% certain they're going to be successful and they have everything planned out and I'm still having trouble deciding what to eat for lunch at school. That's pathetic, isn't it? But thank you, UP, your letter was like a wake up call. I'm seriously going to have to look at schools now, both in the US and Mexico. Also, fuck Trump. Who the hell is insane enough to vote for him? The misogynist, racist bastard is leading the polls and I'm genuinely scared for the future of 'murica. I don't really care who wins the presidency, whether it be Rubio/Paul/Bush/Clinton/Sanders, as long as it's not Trump. I just can't believe people are crazy enough to vote for him.

So I was talking about wanting to help people, but not just students. As an adult, I want to be able to travel and help people outside of the country. I want to help people in developing countries by providing them comfy clothes, clean water and food, and possibly even build schools for kids. And I'd like to visit those little kids on their first day of school and show them all kinds of cool things. And as for being in the country, I'd like to go out and cook for people at shelters and read to kids and I just want to give back to the people in the community. I just wanna do a small gesture that could make a difference. I can't really get involved now because my parents think I'll get scammed or whatever, but once I'm on my own, I'm definitely going to get involved with others.

(It's like Sunday now oops but my dad gave me two other letters from Montana State University and Carroll College. I'd be so much happier if they were actually actively recruiting me, aha. MSU is giving me a free poster if I take their quiz. Fuck yeah, free poster.)

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