✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2016-01-16 00:02:43 (UTC)

Don't Count The Cars


Dear Reader,

I hate waiting rooms.
I hate doctor's offices.

Today, I waited for my grandma to see her doctor while I was in the waiting room for 2 solid hours.

It poured down rain. We had to walk through it.


Usually I'm talkative no matter how tired I am.
I've felt so drained today.
I've felt so empty today.
I just didn't have the energy.

I couldn't speak.
I remained silent.
I've been like this lately and I don't know why.

We stopped at the red light, waiting for a line of cars escorted by the police to pass. It was for a funeral.
She told me "Don't count the cars."

I was puzzled, and asked "What, Why?"
Her response was: "Because. It's something I was told. It's bad luck."

That.. really bothers me.
She's supposed to be a Christian. She throws verses out of the Bible as if they're law.
Doesn't it say somewhere in it to not buy into superstitions?
One thing I can't stand is for someone to call you out CONSTANTLY for not abiding by what the Bible says, and they themselves don't either.
And yet she acts so self-righteous.
If I were to find the verse that says it, and tell her about it next time she tells me something is bad/good luck...
She'd get SO mad.
For something she does to us all the fucking time.

You know that old "Opening an umbrella in the house is bad luck" bullshit? She's the type of person to flip the fuck out if you opened one inside.


I hate superstitions.
I hate when older people try to shove them onto me.
Especially because they're grown ass adults that should know better.
And then they get mad at me when I don't buy into them.

I saw both Alex's.
One right after the other.
They saw me.

I couldn't believe it.
I wish I was making it up.
It dragged my mood down further.

I was pushing the cart through an aisle, and stopped because I saw another cart coming.
It was three guys, and one smiled at me and said "Oh, sorry MA'AM."
I knew I must have had a bitchy look on my face, but it was only because I was tired.
It honestly didn't bother me.
It wasn't their fault or my fault. It was a freak thing.
I didn't have the energy to respond... My social anxiety took over, and I just tried to keep a smile as I waited for them to pass.
The other two apologized too as they passed.

It bugged me, and I didn't know why.
Looking back, it was because they were apologizing for something they shouldn't have been sorry for. It sounded sarcastic.

Honestly, it reminded me of all the popular guys in high school.
They were all confident social butterflies, and the majority of the people they associated with responded with the same social ease.
But were stumped when attempting to interact with me.
They were genuine to literally everyone, except the quiet/different people.
They were always "nice" to me.
You know? The sarcastic "We're best buds" BS to make the entire class smirk and chuckle as if it were so fucking hilarious to make the quiet kid super uncomfortable, or put their social anxiety on blast.


All I wanted to do was come home, and finish writing the story I started yesterday.

By the time we finally got home, my grandma had other plans.

We put away the groceries, and made dinner,
and of course I had to clean the table, and do the dishes, feed the dogs, and fill their trays, all by myself.
It took forever.

So, here I am.
I'm exhausted.
I wish I could go to bed early, but it won't help.
As tired as I am, I won't be able to fall asleep.
I'll lay awake for hours... so there's no point in trying.


I'll have Part 1 to the story I'm working on posted soon.


Sincerely,
Insomniac


P.S.

I've been thinking about changing my-diary username from PYRO to something else. I always sign my entries with something associated to how I'm feeling, etc.
I want a username that kinda fits that theme.




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