Nick's Journal
2016-01-10 19:36:08 (UTC)

Hospital & Football

okay, i am going to try and write this whilst i am at the same time watching the seahawks play the vikings. as you may know from my impassioned, surprisingly sober entry over a year or so ago about deflate gate i am in love with the patriots (specifically stupid sexy tom brady!).

the truth is. i just love football. i fucking love it. and what kills me is that i am unable to find other males who like it. invariably every friend i make (and i have made quite a few over the past 4 months of sobriety) not a one seems too particularly interested in football. so really there is only my bro, whom i incessantly text. oh fuck me that is not a fumble (sorry got distracted by the game).

okay so anyhow. i love football. also one of our friends is in the hospital. he's not like my best friend. he's like a friend level. like above an acquaintance, but below know his middle name. i'm not very good at characterizing it (holy shit! that baldwin grab!) but whatever. i kind of want to go see him. i mean i don't know if i should. like if he would want that. i just want to help people so badly now. i was so selfish when i was always inebriated. but also i don't want to cross the line and insert myself where i am not needed or wanted (at the time).

the main reason i want to go see the guy is that i think he and his wife would want someone to see them. i mean it's one of those things some times where everyone just assumes that someone else will go and in the end nobody shows. i just think back when i was in the hospital due to my OD. i woke up in the most humiliating position possible. cuffed to a bed, with an iv in my neck, just coming off of a deadly conjunction of pain pills and booze.

and there stood honestly the oddest trio of people next to my wife. it was our gay, black friends tristan and michael (i know it sounds odd that i'm mentioning those things about them, but bear with me i'm trying to paint a picture here for you) and tristan's father (black, elderly). now i wouldn't call tristan & michael "best" friends but definitely good friends. they'r just literally the last people (for some reason) that i thought to see at that moment. that doubly-transferred to tristan's father, whom i had met only in cursory fashion in various get-togethers.

and then something happened that i will never forget for the rest of my life. tristan's father came up to me and put his hand on my head. i remember it so clearly because my head was burning hot and his hand was so blessedly cold. not just cool, but cold to the touch. and then he just stroked my head and said, "there, there...there, there". and i just started crying like i've never cried before in my life. it was one of the most beautiful moments in my life and i will never forget it.

whoa that got real quick! anyhow, maybe i should go. i'll ask J she's usually the best arbiter for such decisions. (russell wilson interception - god damn it!).