A lady in the crowd
Most people see time slipping away as something positive but not in my book. I try my best to make each moment last but the flow of time is twisted and awfully distorted. It makes yesterday a mirage and the only way for me to keep vivid memories alive is to keep a memory box. Usually each box has a time lapse of about two years- except 2015 was an exception. Anyone who looks into Pandora's box would be puzzled. Confused about why random objects, letters, and photos could hold sentimental value for anyone to begin with. Each one holds an inside joke only I understand. 2015 held many life-changing experiences, some good meanwhile others are better left unsaid. I threw away the rotten and kept the good ones around.
For the longest time the memory box carried haunting memories. Ghostly reminders of my mistakes and darker times. So why didn't I just throw them away? There's really no clear answer to it. Maybe the things stuck around because something held me back from letting the past go. It was worst when overthinking happened... Late nights where I drank my sorrows away by chugging down shots of scotch whiskey. "Cheers to each time I screwed up. Drink up fuck up," I slurred. Every night ended the same- vomiting and passing out on the floor. The forsaken memory box was unforgiving of yesterdays mistakes.
A few days ago, on New Years Eve, the memory box made me lose it. We all have our moments where we unleash our inner Charlie Sheen. The New Years party was over and once again I found myself drinking alone. The memory box looked up at me with mockery and something in me snapped. I threw the box at the wall. Great. Now there was a messy pile of junk that I had to clean up. For the last time I cried while looking at reminders of my sins and tainted love. I begged the box to let go of the past but I knew this grudge would last my entire life. If it can't forgive maybe I can help myself by forgetting. With these thoughts in mind, I destroyed all of my tormenting memories with my bare hands. Just to be sure they were gone for good, I placed them in the shredder. Gone. Now they're finally out of my sight!