✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2016-01-01 05:38:58 (UTC)

I Saw You


Dear Alex,

I did...
I saw you as we looked for a parking place.

Amanda decided we'd park in between Walmart and Rue21...
And as we went up a part of the lot...


You were there...
You had a fresh cigarette in your mouth, and you were pushing a shopping cart, exiting Walmart. You were wearing a blue beanie.
You were working on some scruff.

I had to do a double-take.
This makes the second time I've seen you at Walmart.


I couldn't believe it..
You were parked on the same side we were,
so that meant, we'd pass you as we headed to Rue21.

Amanda started telling me about something irritating that her husband does... and I couldn't have heard her even if I tried to listen..
My attention was focused on you...


And suddenly there you were.. right there beside me... and I started laughing and talking to Amanda as we walked passed.
You turned... you may have recognized my voice... or something.. but I could see in my peripheral vision.. that you noticed me.

We headed into the store...

And I thought that would be the end of it. I thought you'd get into your car and leave...


So I headed straight to the jar banks.. and looked... and started telling Amanda about the Tattoo Fund Jar bank that I wanted...
Letting my nerves settle...

And I just so happen to glance at the doors,


Right when you walked in.
I caught you in the middle of scanning the store, to see where I was... and you spotted me.

I couldn't believe it..
I knew.. you didn't really intend on going in...

You went in, because you saw me go in.


Why? Why did you?


We both did this awkward thing...
You'd step out from a shelf to look at me...
And I'd see you, and step behind a shelf..
I'd step back out to look at you...
You'd step behind a shelf...


Madness.

But, I could tell.. you wanted me to notice you.
I think you may have even wanted me to talk to you...
You would have tried to talk if I had have... made eye contact with you...

But that's the thing..
I've become very good at ignoring you.. but at the same time, acknowledging you.


So Amanda and I walked around and looked at belts..
Right in your view..
And I started teasing her.. and being funny...
And I know you could hear every word.

And honestly, I hope it made you rethink everything...


I know you're still with Sarah.

Are you going to marry her, Alex?
Are you going to have a shit ton of kids with her, Alex?


I know it's almost been 3 years...
But I'm still not ready to forgive you.
Maybe I never will.

I hope you saw how happy and silly I am without you..
And I hope you choke on it.


Sincerely,
YourBitterEx





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