LustingforNightmares

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2015-12-27 02:31:48 (UTC)

A Lesson in Family History


"Pulaski at Night" by Andrew Bird [this music makes me want to die in a nice way]

Half empty, half full
Cup runneth over
...
I write you a story
But it loses its thread
And all of my witnesses
Keep turning up dead

I paint you a picture
But it never looks right
Cause I fill in the shadows
And black out the, I black out the light

December 26, 2015 Saturday 11:29 PM


"My cup runneth over!"

That phrase always make me happy.

Be prepared for a very boring entry, by the way. I feel oddly shaky and rushed and I probably won't be able to string together my sentences in the way I normally do. HAH. Wait. I literally always have trouble doing that??? It's like I can never remember what I just said.

Okay so this'll be a normal entry??? I think??? Never mind all this.

California is nice.

It's nice to be around my grandparents. Kinda weird, too.

My grandpa is strange. I think he's kind of an introvert. A very strange introvert. So he's constantly got this real bright look in his blue eyes and a bit of a smile on his face. And he says weird stuff. Like, "Lunch, lurch. What did you have for lurch today, Veronica?"

I said, "Er... a sandwurch?"

He laughed and I was pleased. I liked that he's strange but usually I don't know how to interact with him. I'm a bit intimidated by his intelligence, too.

My grandpa, like my dad, was a scientist. I don't know exactly what kind of scientist. I believe it had something to do with chemistry or physics or maybe both because people say that physics greatly effects chemistry and you can see how that would be...

He's never visited us in New York. Something about how he doesn't like the cold. I dunno.

So yeah, he's just this quiet, bright-eyed, smart old man (half russian, half el salvadorian, but doesn't know the language of either country. he's a bit better with spanish, though, I think).

It freaks me out! I like him, though.

My Grandma's great. I've had lots of conversations with her and she's always so nice and well-spoken. She used to be a preacher in my city (turns out my "city" is only a town, though – it doesn't have 50,000 people, only 49,000. Wow).

I don't know how long she lived in my city. She was there to help raise us or something and left when I was three.

I think the only "problem" (it's not actually an issue) I have with my grandma is that sometimes she gives really long-winded responses to things I say and by the end, I'm not even really sure she answered my question, partly because halfway through I zoned out and partly because I forgot my original statement.

Oh yeah!

In general, I'm intimidated by my family's reputation? It's a really GOOD reputation, I mean.

My grandpa was a scientist. My grandma was this... oh I don't know. She reads tons of books on theology, but when she was younger, she used to work on an equine therapy ranch and is apparently an expert (moreso than other people at least) on troubled children??? She's got award certificates all over her office walls. And also a LOT of books on different religions.

Both my grandma and grandpa were avid rock climbers (and I mean real rocks) as a young couple, too.

AND, AND, my grandma had five children – all relatively close in age – and had enough energy to care for them???? And not even in a half-assed way. She goes full out and cooks large dinners.

I love my mom but she doesn't have the energy for that. I think I'm the same way. I wish I was more energetic.

Then comes my dad who is very, very smart... I only recently found out that he majored in something different from what he is currently doing. That doesn't mean he's not qualified or anything – his major was just a different scientific field and at some point, some people in the lab he worked at in Seattle needed an expert in a different... category? Ugh. Words evade me today. Not even sure about that last sentence.

Anyway, my dad taught himself in that field and –

my knuckles are red.

Rosy red.

They've been that way for a couple days now.

OKAY THERE'S MORE THOUGH.

My dad used to be really into photography and I've looked at his photo albums before. They were pretty nice. Plus??? Plus???

He's really good with instruments? He plays viola for hours a day. So much that I've memorized many of the songs he's been playing since childhood. Mostly Bach songs because that's his favorite composer. Some Mozart. Other stuff??? I don't know any of the names. I just know the tunes.

And he plays the piano... flute... guitar... Not as well as the viola but still.

And he can sing???

Earlier today, my aunt and uncle were here. All three siblings were playing their instruments and singing together. Okay, their harmonies were really nice and just??? Okay???????

(They sang Across The Universe and While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I love both of those songs ahh)

Ugh... I'm so tired. It's almost 1 in the morning now.

I guess I wanna be as talented and intelligent as the peeps in mah family are?

I can't bring myself to articulate my emotions when it comes to this.... probably because I'm too sleepy to have any real feelings haha



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