always wth love

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2015-12-02 08:54:12 (UTC)

Faking it part 4: What hell happened to me?

I woke up around 4:31am in the complete darkness i was so off bout it and took it in silence. It started last night and didn't end until around 5:30-6ish this morning, today. Her ways to break apart that make me fill so empty inside once again. Whether its me or not if its my disable she knows how to hurt so bad this all at (home). My mood had changed when I was home when talked her mouth off on the phone(shes at work) where i just came home from class. I just tried to keep my emotions out of it but couldnt she was making so pissed so bad shes knows how i feel bout' that though.Saying an old damn speech. Am so done. So I took a shower to feel better but didnt do anything for me. I was all in waste of stream on the glass of my body.
It took so long fall asleep last night cause Finals is almost here. Am scared am going screw up once again. Id alot things coming up Presentation project is next week.
Lucky one thing is good had happened dreams with Him.
9:24 am, (today):( I checked online message is offline today. Am missing him soo much Right now? I hoping he will be on later on today, or hopefully tomorrow.
How far do I gotta go to feel better? Am questioning myself more so now? then before am scared.
So where do I seek the help,I cant get where I live cause its damaged on both sides.
(weeks ago)
I saw Staci a few times before the holidays i was avoiding her ways that mash up so perfectly and I couldn't remember anything but i slowly started remembering why I felt so distance. Its the triggers of attraction towards her that effects me so deeply.She once handle my hands for something i now forget it effected more.I think am falling again without where am standing on the ground. Every time I see her am drifting away cause am scared to tell the real truth of the matter.I have strong feels.
now 9:40am, i missing church girl havent heard from her an week? We are drifting too am tired. Im exhausted of explaining who Am isnt gonna changed just realize it.Well I hope i go out friday if not am grabbing my neighbor cause I need be Not home on friday night. Really strange, right? hes good guy just a bit different.
Who knows I might hes girl for while. Am alone today, really am!