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2015-11-04 15:32:23 (UTC)

Here I am for the hundredth time with this..

Here I am for the hundredth time with this fucking razor in my hand.
Why does the educational system and my self loathing push me to this point?
I know I'm so much better than this, honestly. But it started so long ago and it's not something that just stops instantly. This takes fucking years, it may never end. I feel like when I get so angry at myself the only thing to resort to is this blade.

When did this all begin?
this deep hatred i feel within
it's a constant battle that i cannot win
it's deep in my brain, embedded in my skin

This metal blade
it makes the pain fade
i'll take this addiction to the grave
then maybe i'll find the peace i crave

sometimes i feel mental
wait, it's not that crazy, it's existential
will my life be influential?
because right now, i don't feel it's an essential

Can i really keep living this way?
waiting for pay day
never listening to what people say
i was lead astray
so now i'll just let myself decay

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