Brooke the goat

can you not
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2015-09-22 01:58:53 (UTC)


Rio de Janeiro, Monday, September 21, 2015

How long. I dont know where to start. I have felt alone, like, really alone. It's as if while i'm surrounded by people at the same time it's like there's was no one on my side.

Today i had a fight om my father because of a cellphone. It's strange. but anyway, my cell phone operating system sucks so I thought about buying a different one. But as i have no money i asked for them to buy. The cellphone is expensive and they received very well.
My father after a long time in silence said that after he pay the television will buy for me. A normal person would be happy, but i was not at all happy. It was as if he felt obligated to buy. It's not how it works. He said that we need a new refrigerator and if he buys the phone instead of the refrigerator, they will blame me when the refrigerator stops working.

But that's not why i feel alone. Sometimes i need to talk to someone but sometimes or people do not have time or they leave me talking to myself. I miss my psychologist, she believed in me and she was the one. My parents didn't encourage me to follow my dreams. For them dreams are nonsense, the truth is that they are too realistic.

I remember once i told my psychologist "nobody believes me to go accomplish it," and she simply said "i believe in you, i believe you go get it." She practically asked me to go after what was important to me as much as anyone to believe.

I want to do psychology in some college in New York. My parents didn't want me to go. I remember last week to be talking to them about it and my father said "Brooke i don't want you to go." At that moment i wanted stay there forever. but sometimes it seems like they want me to go.

I remember 2010, i remember there was a competition to meet the idol. You just had to send a letter, but had about a thousand letters there. It was difficult to achieve with your letter were chosen yet. My friends's parents encouraged them. My parents didn't help me, just let me down, they said "between thousand letters really think its going to be chosen?"

I love my parents, but certain things need not be said. I see the parents of my friends helping them achieve their dreams and i think how it would be cool if my parents do the same.

'A' in English and nobody cared.
I love them, but if i fall, i have to get up alone. Sometimes i just wanted a reason to move on.
I can't forget every time that destroyed my dreams and took me down.
I don't want to be pampered just want them to support me sometimes.

Good Night
- Brooke