✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2015-09-15 23:07:19 (UTC)

The Man Haunting My Dreams


Dear Reader,

A few days ago or so,
I had a nightmare two nights in a row.

Both had a similar theme.

I dreamed I was in a dangerous situation.

The first dream, I dreamed being followed and harassed by a man..
Who found a lot of joy in stalking me...
proving to me that no matter where I go,
or what I did to escape he would find me.

In the second dream, I was being held in a house by a man..
my brothers were there too.
I don't know if it were the same guy.. but faces aren't defined in my dreams...
This guy was crazy..
and I kept trying to figure out a way to subdue him...

Something I think about is having a baseball bat handy in my house.
I like the thought of using one if I were attacked in my home...
because I don't have to get very close to the person to use it,
and if I'm threatened, I'm sure I could knock someone out with it.

So that incorporated into my dream...
The man had stepped out onto the porch and took my little brother with him...
I was freaking out.. I searched frantically for a weapon...

I found a hocky stick... which I tried to use, but failed.
The man got it away from me and laughed in face.

Eventually we got away, and the more we evaded him the crazier he became.. the more angry and frustrated and dangerous he was.

I remember finding an empty house, we camped there...
but it happened to be where he was also camping.. We didn't see him as we went in, He was standing on the porch that wrapped around the house.. We were at the side walking into the side door, he was around the corner.

He heard the door shutting, shot a look at me as I closed the door and locked it...
I tore through the house trying to reach the back door first to lock it... but he beat me to it.. I grabbed it and tried to pull it shut while he already had his arm in, stabbing at my hands with the knife..
So, I turned and ran, grabbed my brother and outside running as fast we could to get away...

And I woke up.


These dreams fucked me up for a few days.


I have a form of anxiety called Panic Disorder...
It causes me to panic over little things...
It causes me to have large amounts of irrational fear.
It causes me to be VERY paranoid, and untrusting.

It didn't help that this paranoia already had convinced me someone is hiding somewhere in my room/closet and is watching me..
but then I had these dreams consecutively...

Something I worry about constantly is being able to protect myself if I ever needed too...
And these dreams, granted weren't THAT bad..
But they triggered my anxiety..
I was looking over my shoulder..
Afraid the man was real...
afraid he was something supernatural haunting me...
I was afraid to sleep that night..
Afraid he'd invade another dream.

It took me a few days to finally calm down, and dismiss it as just a couple of nightmares.

I tried venting to my grandmother about the first dream... trying to make it funny or whatever.. just to make it easier to brush off.
But she just looked at me like I was crazy...

I honestly don't know why I even try talking to her about anything anymore...

*Sighs*
I want to be able to live on my own someday...
But I know that my Panic Disorder is going to make it so hard.


Sincerely,
LivingNightmare




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