Vanilla

Demons.

I am going through a mixture of emotions. ANGER. BETRAYAL. FUSTRATION. PAIN. CALM. STORM.

This incident has literally fucked up my head. if there was one thing about me...it was a type of innocence. Which is dead now...he robbed me off that. He robbed me of having faith. Now i just want to fuck him and hurt him. Fuck him against his wishes because that will hurt him. how fucked up is that? Because it will be painful.

I found a video (while he was witholding sex, intimacy, affection, kisses) against me for months and months. of him fucking a prostitute so freely (this was right in the beginning of our dating phase..where we hadnt committed yet but i had sex with him) . While i got rejection. So he fucked a prostitute right after he fucked me. This blows my mind. And then continues to withold it against me for months to come. because im the bad guy. Because he has a mental block. WTF.

I am so horny from this pain. Pain makes me horny. Cheating makes me horny, i am fucked up. I want to fuck his brains out then leave him.