theolor

MyDarknessLives
2015-09-06 16:58:32 (UTC)

lazy

5:30 PM

I have been feeling very lazy lately and have not really wanted to write in my diaries. I hate when I get this way but I let myself do it, I have been going to the pool the last few days trying to enjoy it while it is here, I think tomorrow is its last day and thats it for the next 2 seasons..
I hate the way I smell after I come home from the pool, I just cannot stand the stench of pool chlorine. I have been hooked on this show on netflix called "Person of Interest" it's where this machine that watches every american gives its creator a SS number and that person is in some kind of trouble whether they are about to be killed or they are doing the killing themselves and it is up to this guy Jon ( Jim Caviezel ) to either protect or stop them and it is very good I am very hooked onto this show.

I am suppose to take my seroquel right at 7 PM and sometimes I take it later because I forget but tonight I am going to experiment with it and take it around 9 PM or so because it is extended release and I wanted to see if that makes me sleep longer and deeper. Today I woke up around 12 PM so today has been a very short day for me and at the end of the night I can say "Another hurtle down". Sometimes I want to know when and how I will die but then again I am afraid it would be some way painful and I don't want to know and then sometimes I just feel like I want to end it now and become a ghost or move on to a new body or go to heaven (hopefully that is what happens, I don't want to believe in hell). Back to the show Person of Interest, it brings up a good point about "the machine" that spies on all of us americans and truth be told I do believe something like it exists and that we are all being spied on. Thanks to Edward Snowden who bravely risked his life and threw everything away to bring the NSA spying to the public's attention. The government calls him a traitor but I call him a personal hero. I also believe 9/11 was an inside job so we could go to war in the middle east. Well thats enough conspiracy theories for now I suppose, I am sometimes a very paranoid person and at other times I seem to flaunt my knowledge and taunt our overlords.

I have been feeling depressed lately as always, I might as well share something interesting about myself because, well I am bored. I self describe myself as a Political Activist and Revolutionary, My religion is Deism, and I am a Marxist-Leninist and I know that last part will make many people not like me but it is who I am.

Edit: I went out and ate on the couch and saw my mom waiting on my step father and an intense feeling of hatred washed over me. I just hate the son of a bitch.




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