Rose

Perfectly Imperfect
2015-06-30 23:55:59 (UTC)

The House of Cards Came Tumbling Down

It's very early morning on Tuesday, June 30th. The last full day in my own home. Just letting that last sentence settle over my numb mind. My very own place for the first time in my life. And I failed. Epic failure! I know it. Just like my first relationship...failure. FAILURE. It wounds my pride. I am embarrassed. It makes my stomach feel sick and my heart ache. And it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. All the worse because I tried my hardest. I loved my little house, I took care of it, tried to keep up with the bills...my little safe place, my sanctuary. But it slipped through my fingers like water.

So I woke up at 4 a.m. yesterday and packed for most of the day. I refused to just throw stuff together and be done. I sorted and planned. Most of my stuff would have to be stored and some that I would need from day to day would need to be set to the side to go with me where ever I found to lay my head and shower. Part of my mind on the sorting and packing, Part of my mind on my domestic issues...Trey, Richard, the Girls. And the rest of my mind racing...where was I going to stay? How can I bounce around from place to place every three days to a week? Where was I gonna store my stuff?

One of the girls' friends, Adam, came up with asking his Dad if I could stay there a little while. Now this is 19 year old Adam, his 23 year old brother, Allen, and their Dad, Greg.....and me. Possibly a sticky situation (is THIS how I get myself into the messes I do??), but when one is desperate then one does what he or she must to survive. I will just have this place to keep my day to day items, Sleep, and shower. I will mostly be at work, visiting friends, and I will stay with different people every now and then so not to be a burden. With at least a "home base" or "center" for my housing needs, a lot of the stress of where am I gonna sleep is relieved. It was a stressful day worrying and wondering what their Dad would say when asked. I mean, although I know Adam and Allen really well and for almost 2 years, I have never met their dad.


Well for all my stress and worry, he said I could stay. I guess I got 6 weeks to 2 months. Who knows? I know it was one of the most awkward things I have ever done. I even told him that. And that I would never do this in a million years, but I was desperate. It is a bit of relief on the where am I gonna stay part. But it will take some adjusting and I don't know how it will work out. But I have noticed that there are no guarantees in life and you just don't know what will work and what won't until you try.




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