Brooke the goat

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2015-08-23 14:36:33 (UTC)

I wish never be able to fall in love

Rio de Janeiro, Sunday, August 23, 2015

From Friday to Saturday i have been very happy and thinking too much about Luke. This is a nightmare, this can't this happening. I'm so frustrated i want to cry until my tears become blood. I can't fall in love with him.

I get frustrated when he only view and not answer my message. I get sad when he didn't talk to me at school. He is shy and when he walks the halls just pretend that don't see me. Sometimes i think he is ashamed of me. I want to cry because i don't want to fall in love with him. I never wanted this.

He is a great friend and i'm afraid to lose this friendship. Really hurts. I look at my phone all the time hoping that he has sent a message. OH MY GOD HE SENT ME A MESSAGE NOW I DON'T BELIEVE HE IS LAUGHING ABOUT WHAT I TOLD HE THINKS THAT I'M FUNNY i'm stupid. Ok, Brooke focus, FOCUS. He sees my message with a rapidity incredible. But i don't know why it takes so long to answer me.

I'm completely confused i never felt it before. And i don't want to end up like my friends and romantic singers that when have a broken heart, start to write songs how are devastated and drunk.

I want him only as a friend and nothing more. Is it so difficult to choose what you want to feel for someone? I have 7 years of friendship with a boy and never felt anything like it. Why can not be the same with Luke?

Oh God, at first i thought it felt that way because he was treating me well, i thought i had confused the feelings. I was wrong. I didn't look where i was stepping and i started to falling. I don't how i'll get out of this hole. I don't want to hurt him but it seems like it's kind of too late to turn back time. I'm a monster. He can't fall in love with me and i can't fall in love with him.

I know myself very well, when i get tired of something i just ignore and i'll don't care about him. If i get tired of it, he will get hurt and i'll not care. This is the reality, this is my reality. The song "good thing" by Sam Smith is a song that speaks volumes about us.

"Although you made my heart sing, to stay with you would be wrong."

But nothing compares to "how to love". If he read the music "how to love", he would be reading me.

I can't control the smile when he sends me a message. I pretend not to care much when i'm with my friends. And when they ask who sent the message i just say it was my bitch.

Brooke how did you got this, girl? How you'll get out of this? It's so hard to talk about myself.

- Brooke