Just Another Life Journal
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2015-08-18 13:43:27 (UTC)

I Hate People

I hate people.
Now, don't imagine me as a serial killer yet.
I still obey the law.
I just hate people. HATE.

I used to be the one to approach the quiet ones.
I tried to make them feel more "accepted" in the class.
Not that I poked my nose in their business, I just casually talked with them.
I used to have a lot of "friends". Everyone talked with me.
I could be "warm and friendly" to everyone.

But I guess people change.

Wait, no.
I don't change.

Even when I do things for people, they won't do good things for me.
They do it for themselves.
Yeah, that's how this world is.
If people has no need of you, they won't bother to even make you feel comfortable.
People don't just be nice for you for no reason.
People look for you because they need you, either as their "friend" or anything else.

Now that's a word I never use anymore.
Even when I have to use it, it has no meaning to me.
No one think "friend" means as what I think.
Friends are not supposed to leave you behind, no?
Well, my "friends" do.
All of them.
You might think I'm just a whiny bitch.
I don't mean leave as in a shallow meaning.
I mean leave you emotionally.
I don't care if they leave me physically, they just go, not leave.
They will come back.
If they leave you emotionally, you know your "friends" won't come back.

So, the big question.
Do I have any friends?
Just acquaintances.
I just know them.
And they just know me.
That's what I keep reminding myself of.
Don't ask too much of them, and don't expose myself too much

Well if they ask, of course I will say that they are my friends.
But I don't consider them as my emotional companion.
I don't need one.
I don't trust anyone to peek inside my heart.
Everyone will leave me anyway.

I hate people.