✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2015-08-14 01:07:43 (UTC)

Clearing Out The Closet


Dear Reader,

Literally, and figuratively.

Today, was an interesting day.
My cousin has been preparing for a yard sale all week, and I've been helping her.

I decided that they're some good clothes in my closet that are worth selling. The rest that are too small and feminine, I stuffed into a garbage bag.

I've hated having them around.. they were a constant reminder of what I escaped.
They are the clothes that I don't identify with.
They were clothes that I felt completely alien wearing.

I couldn't help but smile at the shirts that are left.
There's a good amount, but not many.

It feels like forever ago that I had to wear feminine clothes that I hated... that made me feel ugly and strange..
Really it's only been two years since I fell in love with "men's" clothing and gradually collected them to wear.
It took so long to get where I am today...

I cut my hair during the first semester of the 11th grade. Short.
After so long of wanting it short, I finally convinced my grandmother to take me.
I could breathe again as my hair fell to the floor.
I bought my first tie on Halloween. I had to lie to get it. I said it was for my costume.
That Christmas, I got to shop for myself.
buying a B-MO shirt, and a batman hoodie at hot topic. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to head straight into the men's section, but it was a start.
My friend Steven bought me 6 ties... out of the blue. For sheer kindness. I couldn't believe it.. I couldn't stop looking at them all day.
I managed to save $25 , so I asked my friend Garrett to buy me men's shirts. It was sad that I had to ask a friend to do it for me...
But he picked out 3 T-shirts for me..
They were a little small, but still wearable.
I couldn't believe how much happier and confident it made me feel.
I've secretly ordered a batman bowtie for the first time...
As well as badass jewelry like spike and skull bracelets.. and I've gotten men's hoodies and snapbacks and fedoras...

Now I have lots of men's t-shirts and plaid button-ups and ties.
Last week, though I was nervous.... I finally got to inch into the men's section and shop.
My grandmother and aunt gave me dragon eyes the entire time, but I didn't care... they finally know now...
no matter how much they don't like it.. they can't change me.
I'm sick of all the fighting and pressure about the way I feel comfortable dressing.

It hurts that they don't try to understand me...
But it's on them.
I can't change who I am.

So today... was another step for me..
I'm not be out of the closet to my family...
I may never come out to them.
But I'm stepping out little by little and making a lot of progress getting out of the some of the shackles that still hold me back.

I can't wait for the day, that I won't have to hide.
I can't wait for the day that I won't need the closet anymore.


-RainbowDoorKnob






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