Brooke the goat

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2015-08-10 22:25:50 (UTC)


Rio de Janeiro, Monday, August 10, 2015

Normally i hate Mondays, but is the only day that the week goes fast. Monday is the day and the more i'm at school. I leave school tomorrow at 12:00 pm.

But today the start i was enjoying my Monday. But it seems that every time i'm close to heaven, someone pull me back to hell. I have some problems with self-esteem, then any silly word sometimes for me can become a stab. As i said once, i'm not the kind of girl who joins with people. I'm a little more quiet.

The teacher of sociology said today that we would have to do a group project for next week. I was desperate for not having a group. But woe Patrick (not his real name. i never will put the actual name of someone here) appeared.

Ok, continuing, afternoon classes have passed and in a blink of an eye we were already in the last class. I sit at the first table. I heard someone ask patrick about who was in the working group and he replied "me, you, this thing here and brooke". Right now i start to recognize who the person was.

In doubt, he asked patrick "Who is Brooke?" and Patrick simply replied "that girl there in front" and the boy answered "the dead?" and everyone around laughed. And a girl started laughing and saying bad things about me. I was nervous, and it was hard for me to concentrate on what i was writing. My hand began to sound and shake.

It may seem silly to any normal person, but for me a simple and silly offense is like a glass of beer to alcoholic with a high rate of alcohol in the blood. a glass can let him drunk, a glass may knocks him, a cup can kill him.

At the morning everything was fine. At the afternoon felt like i was watching the sunset on the edge of a precipice and someone came up behind me and pushed me. I spent the afternoon in a free fall that seemed endless. When i finally stopped falling, something in me on that person changed. I start to hate her and I can become the worst nightmare of her. But i'd better not, at least not now.

When i was coming home, i was feeling awful. I went up in a crowded bus and I wanted to cry. I held my breath for 5 seconds, looked at the window and saw a beautiful sunset. At that moment the only thing i could think was "everything will be fine at the end of the day".

I was afraid to have one of my crises. Sometimes i remember in a flash everything already said bad for me and I feel like i'll get crazy. I can't hear my thoughts and all i can do is cry.

I was walking up the walkway to get home when i saw a young wheelchair user who was with her daughter on her lap. One sir offered to push the chair of his wheels so he could climb faster. The young man sympathetically smile, denied the help and thanked.

I couldn't stop looking at the sky. It was beautiful, the perfect sunset. The clouds were well outlined. Blue, yellow and orange were the colors of the sky. The sun's rays skirted the houses as if they were drawings. I took a picture mentally. And in that moment you realize that God is perfect. He calmed me, i have passion for sunset and i've never seen as perfect. For 5 minutes i could forget everything.

Sweet dreams ...
- Brooke

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