2015-08-03 21:04:29 (UTC)

Good Things

"White Trash Heroes" by Archers of Loaf

Frozen out of focus, the Sunday crowd
Started dreaming of television turned up too loud
And coded conversations, half baked and tired
Left us sleepy on blacktops, burning the motor mile

9:09 PM

I am feeling a little apprehensive. I think it's my dusty home atmosphere settling onto me. Don't much appreciate that.


-Said hello to Liv and you should love her as much as I do, thank you, please. I've been feeling like we haven't talked much lately, but I figure if she has doesn't want to, that's okay. I know I'm annoying to text. I take foreverrrr to answer. Sometimes, like half a day.

-Showed her (Liv) my Bismuth (a sooper cool rock that I played with all through Peer, as a way to relax. Peer always makes my heart beat really hard and I become super aware of how my limbs are trembling against my will, just WHY. I couldn't concentrate very well today, but it was better than last week. I could feel my brain vibrating in my head and almost asked the person standing next to me, "do you feel it moving?" But I didn't want to be... Creepy. I can only be creepy after we've been friends for awhile, as a general rule)

-Hugged Alyssa hello WITHOUT messing up(she's been in Peer since I started and I like her. Last time she hugged me, it caught me off guard and I forgot to hug back).

-Frozone was really cool. He was nice to me and also threw a damn balloon in my face

-I bonded with this girl I've talked to a couple times, Leia (that's what I'm calling her ok). We bonded over the whole "not wanting to grow up" thing.

-Adrian suggested I watch Harold & Maude. I'll probably watch that tonight. He said he'd been wanting to tell me about it and I thought that was nice. I wonder if that was the truth. Maybe I was just the first person he saw. I find it strange to think of him being reminded of me?? Or even thinking about me outside of the activities we're both involved in. That applies to most people, actually. I am always surprised when someone says something reminded me of them. I make an impact? Nevertheless... I want to watch the movie, Adrian makes very good suggestions.

-I got a hug from Malcolm and he picked me up and swung me around. that's so nice! :) :) It made me happy aw.I worried about being too heavy for him but he seemed fine. I really can't get over how happy that made me - I don't get hugged like that very often.

-X hugged me in the beginning, forgot to mention. He's a good hugger and he was wearing a nice shirt (It was dark, dark blue, with stars scattered across it). I think he smelled good too, I can't remember.

-I hugged this girl and she said, "Wow, you smell good!" and I said, "Really?" and she said, "Yeah!" It was because of my shampoo (Dove, the bottle with the cucumber on it. I think it's called cool hydration or some shit). I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE LIKE HOW I SMELL. LIV SAYS I SMELL GOOD TOO, ONLY SHE IS REFERRING TO MY NATURAL SMELL. I SMELLED A SWEATER I'D WORN TODAY AND I NOW KNOW THAT I SMELL HEADY, AND KIND OF FLOWERY. IT'S NICE. I CAN TELL IT'S NOT MY DEODORANT EITHER OKAY OKAY I'M DONE SORRY. Anyway, I just like when people compliment my smell...

-I hugged Adrian before leaving, without messing up. Go me. His shirt was cool. Why do I notice this stuff? But I mean, it was nice. It had overlapping faces (I believe it was just a copy of one face) wearing old-fashioned 3D glasses.

-As I was leaving, I talked to Leia again, I like her a lot. And Polaris, too. I forgot! Polaris held my hand and stuff during the thing.

-I talked to this lady, Tammy, and also earned some points with this girl Shelly, who is an alumnus (is that correct... anyway, Alyssa is too) by giving her gum after she bit into an onion. That's also how I earned points with Leia actually, haha. Gum is useful.

Can I just say, I saw the prettiest woman today. I just fully appreciate her timid manner and... Oh my gosh. She had a timeless face. Very dark, luminous skin. Her hair was shiny and black and braided very nicely. I believe she was over thirty years old, but gosh, I want to look that great when I get to that age. I just can't get over how pretty she was. It was really her face shape and skin, I think. It was just so youthful and bright and I, what, I , okay.

She's pretty. Her name (I'm going to use the real one, since I think it suited her and for once, I think this name is beautiful, just because she's paired with it) is Esther.

I see boys that are super pretty, too, but I usually forget to write about it. This time, I just saw her so I mean...

This kind of beauty isn't, like... I don't know. I'm not attracted to them. Well, I am, but not in a romantic way. I just want to be around them. Someone should photograph them, paint them, write about them.

If the boys turn out to have lovely personalities, then that sucks for me because I'm going to end up liking them more than I am comfortable with. That's usually not the problem, though. The problem is being alone with that feeling.

(I'm thinking of someone specific here. It's gone now, I think. But still.)

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