The Rat

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2015-07-28 20:49:09 (UTC)

Going through old emails

I was going through old emails to clean it up because it was bothering me that I had 600 emails of bullshit piling up.

I went as far back as possible and have been sifting through each email deciding if I'd like to keep it. It's actually been a horrifying experience.

I'm finding things from years and years ago I haven't thought about. It's like reliving the past 4 years of my life. Exchanges with friends, exgirlfriends, pictures I haven't seen in awhile, poetry I've written.

The hardest part has been all the unanswered job applications and the mental health emails. There's just so many. Mixed in with the poetry, suddenly I reached this list of emails about jobs. Dozens and dozens and I remember feeling so stressed I couldn't find a job.

Then email's to therapists and psychiatrists desperately reaching out and rarely receiving responses from those either.

I have a steady job now and that's not an issue in my life. But at the time I remember feeling so low and so desperate.

It's making me feel weird but I keep going through these emails because I really just want less space being used in my email. It's so cluttered with dumb volunteer stuff I haven't done in so long, and just dozens of emails to my friends that have no purpose.

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