Nadia

wet blanket
2015-07-21 14:19:17 (UTC)

Every time I get home in my car I break down..

Every time I get home in my car I break down crying. Aha fucking pathetic. I hate my house the atmosphere is horrible. This isn't a family, it's a bunch of aquaintances who occasionally see each other around the house and say hello.

Ahh it hurt so much when dad asked about Jacob today. "Where's Jacob?" "how come he's not here?". I don't know dad. He just left me.

When I drive by myself, which is becoming an extremely common occurance, every single time I think about driving into something. If it looks like an accident at least no one will blame themselves.

Well history exam tomorrow. More failure. Stress and depression are such a shit mix. It's like you're so stressed but the depression just stops you from doing anything about it. I fucking hate school. But I wouldn't forgive myself if I dropped out.

Who am I going to go to formal with now. When I think about it I tear up. I can't stop fucking crying all the fucking time. Everything is so shit. Why did I have to get so reliant on and attached to someone.

Every part of me wants him to call crying wanting me back. I'd do it. In an instant. I love him so much and I don't fucking want to.

I can't listen to Vance Joy anymore. It's so fucking painful. It reminds me of road trips with Jacob. Him and I. Driving along to Victor Harbour, Watching Paddington Bear at the cinema. A child dropped his popcorn and we started laughing. I liked that cinema, it was all vintage it looked amazing. Everything hurts so much. I know I can't deny the pain all I can do is feel it and it dragging me down so much.


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