Ad 2:
2015-07-15 20:09:17 (UTC)


Dear Diary,
I just don't understand, I don't understand at all. You say that you love me, but yet you are so quick to say you will let me go my way and live my life, all over a question. I mean I only asked because you said you were a dumb ass, and that you were a dumb ass for getting the car and putting it in my name. Yes it took me two weeks to ask you if you felt obligated to stay with me because of the car situation, but to not talk to me and to assume there is someone else is crazy!!!!!!!! I am completely honest with you about everything and I hold nothing back from you. I have tried so hard. You have not spoke to me in two days. The fact that we have to ride in a car together for three hours and not speak is killing me. I just don't know what to do anymore. You tell me that me asking that was a dumb question, but you saying what you said made me feel some type of way so I had to ask. You say you love me and that you are in love with me, but if that is the case then why are you so quick to say you will let me go and live my life? That makes me feel as though I am not worth fighting for. I have done all I can for you. I don't think that I ask for a lot. yea I ask you for some "us" time. and that is not even for sex. it is just so we can spend time together, watch a movie, let me lay on your lap and fall asleep. just to be close to you. I ask you for no kind of material things at all. all I ask for is your time and attention. you have a woman here who is absolutely in love with you and would go above and beyond for you, and it is like you don't even care. this is killing me. I just don't understand how a man can have a woman who cares and loves them so much can be so quick to let it go, to not want to spend time. and you tell me that if you did not want to be with me you wouldn't, but yet your actions tell a different story. you use to come over and spend some time and now that we do this route together, when we are done you go straight home. I just don't understand. it seems as though you don't really care if I am hurting or not. it seems that you are ok with not talking to me for days like it does not bother you at all. WHY????????????????????? I am just to the point where I am going to completely back off. I am not going to ask you to come and stay the night, not going to ask you to spend some "us" time. I am going to completely back off. I don't want to be cold towards you at all. but I really don't know what else to do. maybe this is what needs to happen. I don't want you to stay if you are not happy. as much as I want to be with you, I want you to be happy and that is not with me, then so be it. I waited almost 20 years to have you back in my life. and the funny thing is, is that you searched me out. you looked for me, you are the one who reached out, not me. so that has me even more confused. I am so lost. But backing off is what I am going to do, even though it is going to be hard.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!