bignshy1

bignshy1
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2015-07-13 16:27:24 (UTC)

Don't Know What To Do

Dear Diary,
My boyfriend and I have been getting along well, for the exception of two arguments that we got into. He just purchased a car (I put 2000.00 dollars cash down and he traded his car). one of the arguments we got into he said that he was a dumbass and that he wanted to get his car back, which it was too late to do so, and that he should have never done this. (the car is in my name). we didn't break up just a bad argument. this was 2 weeks ago. so today I finally got up the courage to ask him if he felt obligated to stay with me because of the car. and he wanted to know why I was asking this and where did it come from. I told him that I had been wanting to ask and I finally got up the courage to ask. he said that if he didn't want to be with me then he wouldn't be with me. but at the same time he is mad and angry. he tells me if there is someone else then just let him know and he will let me go. I told him there was no one else and he is all that I want. he said that it is making him think, that there is someone else. there is NO ONE else. he has a key to my apartment and to my car. I tell him everything. I am a faithful, loyal, honest girlfriend and yet he thinks there may be someone else. after he dropped me off and he went home, he text me to say " I am really thinking about letting you go n live ur life, real talk." I told him, that is not what I want and that I want to be with him, and that there is no one else. I also told him that I can't make him stay and he needs to be happy, yes it will hurt me like hell, but if he is happy. he then says to me "rite now I don't want to talk I need time to calm down" I told him "ok. let me know you decide, just know that I love you and there is no one else. you are it, you have my heart completely." I am not sure as to what he is going to do or not do. I know that I am hurting right now and I am afraid of losing him. I lost him 18 years ago, and I don't want to lose him again. yes it was my fault all those years ago. I cheated on him and I have regretted it ever since. he looked for me for years and we finally met back up again, and I do not want to lose him again. sitting here in tears not knowing what to do. but yet at the same time it makes me think, that if its that easy to let our relationship go does he really love me? why does it seem so easy for him to just let it go. it's hard, we kind of work together too. we do a bank route. we picked this up for extra money for the car payment and insurance. we ride together in the same car. and we are not talking to each other it is hard riding in the car. feeling so lost and confused right now. this sucks. but it just seems that this is how my life goes. where does it stop??????? any and all advice is welcome.

sincerely,
bignshy1


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