LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2015-07-12 19:37:17 (UTC)

Skin Planet

"Ocean of Noise" by Arcade Fire [why do I love the feeling of my heart breaking?]

You've got your reasons
And, me - I've got mine
But all the reasons I gave
Were just lies to buy myself some time

In an ocean of noise
I first heard your voice
Now who here among us
Still believes in choice?
Not I!

7:37 PM

I love Arcade Fire. Along with The Shins, Modest Mouse, and Local Natives, they are now on my list of favorite bands ever (my criteria is me loving the majority of songs I hear and falling in love slowly with the ones I don't immediately like).

"Now who here among us still believes in choice? Not I!"

THE BEAUTY. This is probably the fourth time I've listened to the album Neon Bible. I listened to Funeral a couple times, too. I've never been able to do that with a band. Is Arcade Fire my Ultimate Favorite???? Stay tuned for the answer! (Just kidding. I don't know the answer so how the hell am I supposed to tell you??! Get it together)

(How am I teasing you, you're not even real)

I'm now listening to a cover of this song by Calexico and iT HAS HARP AND IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOD.

Kill me now, I can't handle the happiness.

So this week was alright. The art class was great. I learned a lot. I didn't socialize much, which sucks, but whatever. I did homework almost every day after I got home and wrote my Colombian Exchange summation on Friday. Thaaaat was hard.

Yesterday, I went on a date. Or at least I'm pretty positive it was a date. It was with that guy. Did I call him Quinn on here?? Since day 1, I wasn't too into him but I decided to give him a chance.

I did really well. I expected myself to fucking SUCK, but I was pretty cool. Collected. Maybe because I wasn't attracted to him. Like at all. We went to the movies. He was edging closer to me, I was edging away. Hopefully he got the hint, haha.

Told me later he wished he held my hand. I tried to shoot him down with humor??? He sent me something else but I haven't answered. I should do that.

I don't want to be that shitty person who starts ignoring someone after meeting them. I don't want him to blame himself, I'm sure other people love him. I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. I don't like him enough to maintain a friendship but maybe I can just slowly pull away. If the world were a perfect place, he'd forget about me.

At least it increased my confidence. Oh, plus I feel really pretty. It's nice. I'm happy. It was choking me earlier, a bit. I still wonder why that happens.

Sometimes I want a boyfriend, most of the time I'd rather be alone.

I have issues I haven't figured out. I guess I just don't like sugary-sweet, cute relationships.


---

Last night's dream broke my heart???

Adrian was in my dream last night. I ran into him at school and he said hello and we walked around.

We were laughing drunkenly, that I remember. Lying on the ground, really close to one another. Telling jokes and teasing. I stuck a pencil in his belly button for some reason and we found that hilarious?? Okay??

He was telling me a story. I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME STORIES, OH MY GOD.

Then he asked for me to tell him one. I think my head was on his chest and I don't remember thinking anything of it. I didn't really want to and suddenly got really tired but I tried anyway.

I said, "Once upon a time, there was a planet. It was covered in skin..."

And then I fell asleep, I think. He didn't wake me, which was nice.

I remember his hair. I really do love his hair, haha. It's so fluffy and red. Well, whatever. I should forget about that dream.

(reminds me of the dream I had about him months ago where the sun was golden and it was hitting his eye.... and also my mom almost died, but i mean)
---

I thought I had more words in this head of mine, but I guess not.

We're getting new floors. My dad tore up our old carpet because it smells like April's incontinence. Oh, I forgot! She visited me in my dream last night.

Sometimes it feels like I'm with someone. All the time.

It's probably wishful thinking more than anything else.

Due to the whole new floor thing, the couch is currently in the dining room (I'm sitting on it now). Earlier, I was lying down on it and the sun was streaming through the window all golden, landing on my bare legs and they looked really nice. Very smooth and soft and beautiful.

It was nice to like my legs. They aren't usually my favorite thing.

OMG!!! WHAT IF I'M THE SKIN PLANET??

A LONELY BEING, SPINNING SPINNING SPINNING, GOING THROUGH ERAS OF SUFFERING AND ERAS OF PERFECTION, COVERED IN SKIN, COVERED IN SKIN


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