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2015-07-12 19:07:04 (UTC)

Willful Suspension of Disbelief

"Willful Suspension of Disbelief" by Modest Mouse

July 13, 2015 Sunday 7:08 PM

The following is taken from my sketchbook (I'm so proud, I got it on one of the very first days of March - first writing on March 4... freaky, eh?and only about four pages are blank). It's not dated. A lot of my writing/drawings aren't dated in that book, because I usually add things on various days and also because dating things is just too much fucking work for a spunky gal such as myself.

Oh, also, it's not really written in the order shown in my notebook, because there IS no order in my notebook, haha... I write things upside down, diagonally, across pages, in between other words, in between drawings, all kinds of random shit. Too bad you can't see my designs, they're pretty damn cool... Okay, they're actually very average but yOU KNOW WHAT, WHO SAID I CAN'T BE PROUD????

Anyway... this was probably written in mid June or something.

It's not full of hidden meaning or anything. I've kept the line breaks the same, but I *mostly* only did it like that in my notebook because I don't like writing from edge to edge. I don't think I meant it to be poetic. I've probably written variations of the same thing everywhere... In this dairy, on my hands with a ballpoint pen, on the wall with chalk, um... in the air with my mouth? I just remember feeling kind of sad and happy at the same time. That mixture always makes me feel like everything is spilling over the edge.

My head is ELECTRIC
Maybe my personality is naturally manic
And my brain, it just wanted to slow down
So it gave me the Heavy

There is nothing in my head but colors
I miss I miss I miss I miss you
My hands are shaking again
And I dreamt about death, as usual
Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper Whisper
It's still raining
I like the world this way
It doesn't overwhelm me so much
Like it does when the sun glares in the winter
Everywhere I go, Everywhere I go
I will bring the Heavy
The way I feel when I look out
the window
Separate and far away
I'm not real
Not solid like other people
They have a shell to keep it all in
Either I lack that covering or
That's all I am

If you're reading this
I probably thought about you
a lot and didn't tell you
For the same reasons you
wouldn't tell me

It goes so
fast, why doesn't
anyone else feel like
they're trapped?

Conveyer belt,

The Clockwise Witness

The Death of Ivan Ilyich,
Elise Elise

Entropy. I love it. At the same time, it's so
suffocating and merciless.
It makes sense when my head doesn't
There is no logic to what is in here
It'll be alright

Misinterpreted text
Misinterpreted text


Hopefully this shit makes sense, hopefully it's not pretentious, hopefully I don't regret writing down my feelings. All based on hope.