Experienced Life
2015-07-08 01:22:04 (UTC)

Need to stay low for awhile

Doesn't seem to be my month. Seems like everything is not going well this month. Whatever I do, it's turning into shit. I even quit my dart team because my new dart partner got into a stupid argument. My landlord is giving me crap because of the dry lawn! I thought we were in a drought and needed to conserve water? Other crappy things are happening too. It all started when the ex gave me shit the other week. So when I start seeing a pattern, I have to stay low for awhile.

It also makes me look in the mirror and need to look at myself inside because this pattern of bad events happening may be happening all because of me. Maybe I'm turing into an asshole and need to admit it. I think for now, I need to just lay low until I can figure out what the heck is going on.

It's stressing me out a bit. I can't believe this too. For me to have gone thru so much in life and still be stressing out now is unbelievable. I don't seem to have the answers lately and now I'm doubting myself a little. Damn it!!!

My plan this month is to just work, maybe save some money and go fishing a lot. Can't piss off too many people when I'm off fishing on my own. Maybe it'll give me time to think of what I'm becoming too? Fishing on a kayak gives you lots of time to think. My wheels in my head are spinning when I'm out kayak fishing. Seems easier to concentrate when you're out there on a lake or river all on your own.

I blocked my Ex from being able to text me. I think that was a big part of my stress. I've been working on my fishing kayak the past couple of nights too. Setting up the wiring, switches, power, etc for my bait well and fish finder to kill time. Well, tomorrow is almost here. Still up and I have to get up in 4 hrs. Later for now diary. You always seem to help me relax when I post about my meaningless life.