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2015-07-04 01:19:06 (UTC)

Somewhat Sexual Things

July 4, 2015 Saturday 1:19 AM

Okay, so. I have been thinking about things lately (by lately I mean the past two days).

I can be sexually aroused. That much I know. It happened today and I was like, "Yay!"

Sometimes, I forget because I don't always masturbate because I'm horny. I don't know if that makes sense. Sometimes, I just do it for the sake of masturbating, I dunno. It's just fun. Not always so sexual.. That makes no sense, what?? I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT. The physical feeling is fun and I don't really have to be thinking sexual things in order to achieve it. Slightly more clear??

I don't get aroused very often, to be honest. It kind of took me by surprise today.

I still can't masturbate to thoughts of myself, though. I get too distracted. I think too hard about having a vagina and how vaginas are weird and how this whole situation is weird. How I was once a child and now I'm touching myself and ugh. How another person is going to see me one day and how strange that is, considering I'm barely past childhood and my body could probably already handle it.

(By thoughts of myself, I don't just mean me, I mean me with another person. Can anyone masturbate to JUST thoughts of themselves???)

MYSTERY OF THE DAY (just kidding. this is not a daily thing):

WHY does gay sex turn me on?? I know I'm not alone in this. I used to bond with Elise over it. Also Olivia. Aww, I love them. I'm going to email Olivia after this because I miss her. I miss both of them but okay anyway

It just kind of strikes me as weird to be turned on by one guy sticking his prick in another guy's asshole. It doesn't sound hot, but somehow, it is??

Maybe it's because I like guy moans. Or at least, I like when it looks like a guy is enjoying himself. Porn is annoying because they almost always focus on the girl (or girls) doing this fake high moans. She always looks bored. Gay sex videos are pretty crappy, too, though... The guys being fucked have the same expression as the girls in the other videos. Someone should work on making better porn.

Okay, well.

I feel like it's hard to turn me on. I have to be in a very particular mood and even then, you can't just show me a penis or something. I don't know. I don't quite understand my own sexuality yet. My goal is to figure it out, but I also have about 1000 other goals I need to complete before I go to college and so that's kind of on the back burner.

Happy fourth of July for you fellow Amurricans out there.

I went shopping today so I'm probably going to talk about clothes in the next entry. I'm excited. GOODNIGHT.

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