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2015-06-24 00:37:32 (UTC)


"Lover I Don't Have To Love" by Bright Eyes

June 24, 2015 Wednesday 12:38 AM

I remember that, while I was hospitalized, I had a big book of Grimm's fairytales. They were all very creepy, but this one was my favorite.

Partly because of the dresses. Partly for other reasons, but they're too weird to say out loud.


2:25 PM

Dad said, "Make sure April's comfortable."

She hasn't been eating or moving much and she's trembling, now.

I don't think she's going to die, though. I wish we could put her on an IV so she wouldn't starve. Maybe some painkillers, but that costs money and I don't know if my parents would go for that.

I was going to give her a bath today but she hates them and I don't want to make her nervous.


I was listening to the Bright Eyes interview in the song Attempting To Tip The Scales and it's so weird??

He goes, "So how long have you worked at the radio station?"

"Oh, just a few minutes. So..."

Fucking creeepeppy. I like it.

I was just talking to my sister about majors. I think I could maybe major in history or literature.

Something where I can learn about the ancient stories (greek myths, european myths, ALL THE MYTHS) and how they came around.

I was so happy! The Lore episode I was listening to last night was about werewolves and they mentioned a greek myth, so I'm going to post that part of the transcript here.

"Psychologists actually have an official diagnosis in the DSM-IV known as clinical
lycanthropy. It’s defined as a delusional syndrome where the patient believes they can
transform into an animal, but the changes only take place in their mind, of course.
In the Greek myth of the God Zeus and an Arcadian King named Lycaon, Zeus took on
the form of a human traveler. At one point in his journey, he visited Arcadia, and during his time in that country, he visited their royal court.
The King of that land, Lycaon, somehow recognized Zeus for who he truly was and tried, in true Greek form of course, to kill him by serving him a meal of human flesh.
But Zeus was a smart guy after all, and he caught Lycaon in the act, throwing the mythological equivalent of a temper tantrum. He destroyed the palace, killed all 50 of the King’s sons with lightning bolts, and then cursed King Lycaon himself. The punishment? Lycaon would be doomed to spend the rest of his life as a wolf, presumably because wolves were known for attacking and eating humans. Most scholars believe that it is this legend that gives birth to the term lycanthropy: lykos being the Greek
word for wolf, and anthropos the word for man."

-Lore, Episode 3: The Beast Within


3:28 PM

Ethan was over a minute ago. Actually, he might still be here.

He saw a picture of Elise on the fridge and the article and was asking my sister who it was. She said it was my friend so he goes, "Ronk, your friend died in an interstate wreck?"

I kind of bristled and said,"Yeah, a few months ago."

Ethan said something like, "That's dramatic."

Don't know what that means, honestly.

I was having an imaginary argument with him a few minutes ago (i don't even know how that happens) and I remembered that a couple years ago, he was different.

Well, no. Not different, but he was around more. Around enough to feel comfortable tickling me or throwing me over his shoulder when we were fighting.

Now, he's pretty much just my neighbor who says "ew" whenever he sees me, the usual.

I don't know if that makes me sad or not. I guess it does, but in a distant kind of way, because at the time, I had known that was going to happen. Ehhh. It's not too bad.

My tummy burns. I'm going to go get some water.


7:29 PM

So April is going to die very soon. We can tell because she's shaking more and now she won't get up. She stumbles a bit when she walks. Won't drink water, won't even eat slices of ham or spoonfuls of peanut butter. If she does eat or drink, it's very little.

I hate seeing her like this. I half want her to die now so I don't have to watch anymore.

I'm supposed to go to Laney's on Friday but I don't want to leave the house now because I'm scared she'll die :(

Chill, self. It's all alright.

I'm going to miss by baby. She's soft and warm.

I was singing today, sitting on the couch. I'm not a very good singer but I love doing it. She was lying down on the floor with her head resting on my foot and every once in awhile she'd look up at me, like she was trying to make sure I was still there. Wouldn't lay her head down again until I pet her little puppy face.

Here's a blurry picture of my April baby from the other night. Also, a picture of me and the sky, but the point is April, haha.

Okay, well. I'm going to go pet her, now.

She is not a wolf anymore.