Battling The Flighty One
"When I Goose-Step" by The Shins [another repeat]
So don't get itchy with me
When I goose-step across the kitchen floor
You know I still adore--
Are your eyes changing hands?
I'm so impressed that you hear
My inventions, and that it matters more
Than what you saw with your eyes
I was just on Facebook and my sister's old friend (also our neighbor) posted a picture of her and her boyfriend. Wow? Her boyfriend is really, really cute?
He's got big blue eyes, constantly flushed cheeks, and light hair. I don't know why but I'm always impartial to the eyes and rosy cheeks.
He kind of looks like an older version of Aaron's boyfriend, actually.
! ! ! ! ! ! !
So today was boring. Not even worth writing about, but I'm going to do it anyway.
I decided to pamper myself before cleaning my room. I have this weird powder that you mix with apple cider vinegar and water. It turns into clay, which you slather onto your face (or your body, it doesn't matter) and apparently, it's good for you. Indian Healing Clay or something.
So I ended up doing that and then cleaning up my mess. Combined, I wasted like an hour and didn't even clean my room afterwards. I wasted the next hour and a half on this horrible, horrible site called TeenHive.
Okay, okay, so the ad for it said something like "BE SAFE, BE KOOL"
Some weird shit. It was such a??? The website looks like it was made in 2005. So I shared it with Alexis and then we both joined ironically.
I feel like I'm going to end up spending most of my time on that, telling myself, "I'M A PEICE OF SHIT, THIS THING SUCKS, WHY CAN'T I LOOK AWAY"
THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT I DID WITH THAT GAME, CHAT CHAT, THE STUPID ONE ABOUT CATS. I SWORE AT AN EIGHT YEAR OLD. AND ALSO ANNOYED A LOT OF PEOPLE.
So that was my day!! Someone make me delete my TeenHive.
It gives me a feeling.
TEENHIVE USERNAME GREATEST HITS:
MAYOINHERMOUTH (yes it's capitalized)
June 23, 2015 Tuesday 12:16 AM
I just had an epic battle.
There was a fly buzzing around my room and finally it got so annoying that I got the fly swatter and tried killing it or, at the least, ushering it towards my open door.
I really don't want to kill anything but goddamn flies are irritating.
So I spent maybe fifteen minutes standing in one spot in my room. Most of the time, I couldn't even see the fly, I could just hear it. I probably looked crazy, haha, with my eyes all wide and my head constantly whipping around.
It was a fucking fast fly! Elusive, too. I admire it's skills, honestly. The way it turns in the air. But why, why, why does it have to make that noise???
I think it was trying to taunt me, too. Knew that I was responsible for the death of most of his family. I am a mass murderer among his kind.
And while I feel bad that I had to go down that road, flies are
2) attract spiders with their meaty goodness.
I don't want to kill spiders, but they freak me out. I have nightmares about them.
You know how everybody has that one thing that they're really frightened of? It makes them dissolve into a hysterical mess, even when they're with people they want to impress???? (nice, it rhymes)
For me, that's spiders (arachnids in general are kinda freaky).
(Yes, I know I am a spider, but I'm special. And also confused. Maybe there's some kind of deep meaning behind my spider identity hahaha)
I have actually made people bleed out of fear (I'M SO SORRY LANEY).
At the same time, I have a weird fondness for spiders. I really hated them for a long time, but I kinda like them now. Not in a let-me-go-out-and-buy-a-nice-soft-tarantula kind of way. More like in a
*punches shoulder softly*
*looks directly at camera, breaking the fourth wall*
*informercial music plays*
kind of way.
brief interlude in which all thoughts are interrupted by my inner voice bursting into song:
SO DON'T GET ITCHY WITH MEEEEEEEE
WHEN I GOOSE STE-E-E-EP
ACROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR
YOU KNOW I STILL ADORE
ALL YOUR MOTHER'S OLD FASHIONED WAYS
Continuing. I will be referring to that epic fly as The Flighty One.
He was taunting me. Daring to fly right by my ear, oh my gosh. I kept ducking. I don't know what it is about buzzing noises that freak me out but they do. I think they make me feel crazy, because sometimes when I don't feel so great, I can feel this hum inside my head. Can't quite hear it, but it's this buzzing and it makes me want to rip out every hair on my head individually.
The Flighty One is a master. The light in my room blinded me whenever he circled around it so I couldn't see him for the next ten or fifteen seconds. He used that to his advantage. Fucking went by it all the time. I was pretty much just blindly swatting.
Finally, I fucking hIT HIM. I HIT THE FLIGHTY ONE.
The problem is that just hitting a fly doesn't kill it. You have to find the body and crush it, otherwise they heal and start flyin' around again, murdering your ear drums and contaminating your food.
So I was searching for awhile when I heard this meek little, "...bzz...bzz.."
It was in one of my plastic pockets that hang on the inside of my open closet door. HE WAS ALREADY WAKING UP. So I smashed him through the plastic. His blood almost looked red.
Picked up his body with a tissue and was done.
Oh, but Flighty One had done his damage.
I'm always straining to hear that buzz buzz, glancing at the tissue in the trashcan, hoping his body remains...
CAN YOU TELL I HAD A BORING EVENING?
Quick Note Before Concluding This Entry:
I really wish I named that fly Boris. I love the name Boris. *sigh* I wish I hadn't killed that lil guy, now.
Oh! And I want to see the movie Mad Max. A couple weeks ago, my friend was talking about it. He really wanted me (that makes it sound like I'm important when I'm not really, but I couldn't figure out a different way to construct that part of the sentence) to see it and was really enthusiastic about it. I didn't know what it was really about though so I just wrote it down and forgot to look it up haha
But, butttt, I saw some gifs of it on tumblr today and I realized I DO know that movie!!!
I didn't see it yet, but it has this actor guy that I know of. He was in the first generation of Skins, back when I was into watching stuff about self-destructive teens (aka Middle School *shudder*)
I really want to see it! People seem to love it. Maybe I can go with Caroline.