Brooke the goat

can you not
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2015-06-21 22:40:59 (UTC)

What's love?

Rio de Janeiro, Sunday, June 21th, 2015

I never fell in love with a boy, unlike my friends who always fall in love. I'm the kind of girl who rejects this kind of feeling and i have my reasons.

I was a very confident girl and i loved me beyond everything. I was the kind of narcissistic girl, i guess. But maybe that's an exaggeration on my part. Anyway, didn't care about the opinions of others, for me it was all bullshit and what mattered was what i thought. I was never arrogant, ignorant or stupid with people.

But in a year all that changed. while for some girls, adolescence was the best thing that happened to them, for me it was a nightmare where i couldn't wake up. in my mind i was beautiful, but to boys i was a monster. They humiliated me, insulted me, they said things that until today i can't forget. The mirror was my best friend became my worst enemy.

Since i was humiliated by boys and girls too, i started to be a little cooler with people and avoid any kind of feeling that looks like love. this can seem silly, crazy, whatever it is, but i reject that feeling. when i realize i'm starting to like it i turn away, because i'm afraid of being rejected and humiliated by him.

And now i think i made a mistake, because i met a boy and i'm starting to like him and i can't get away from him. I don't know why, it's stronger than me. And apparently he likes a girl, and certainly not me.

I want that feeling leave me, but at the same time i want to keep feeling it. It's a bearable pain. Wait ... what i'm saying? What the fuck is happening to me?

- Brooke

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