LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2015-06-20 13:48:53 (UTC)

When You Can't Think Of A Name


"Kuroi Ledge" by A Lot Like Birds [THIS IS BEAUTOIFUL]

I wish that time would stop for me
just this once, but it never will, so run it off.
I'm still here.
I know you're waiting for me past the doorway and
if it's you that's haunting me, say something.
If it's you that's haunting me, just speak.
I've come this far with a different map in each of my hands.
They're drawn completely from memory.
One takes me home, one takes me nowhere in particular.


June 20, 2015 Saturday 1:57 PM


I hate summer. It always reminds me that I have no friendnnsnsns.

LIST OF PEOPLE WHO I WILL REGULARLY TALK TO OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL:

Lily
Laney
Alexis
Maybe Polaris
Maybe Dude
Guy Without A Name

But half of these people won't even be here and two of those people live on the West Coast. Plus Lily is going to be gone for awhile. Polaris and I don't even hang out. So it's pretty much just me and Laney.

Me and Laney always do the same stuff when we hang out, though. I don't feel like playing soccer and cooking and looking at clothes online. I don't know what I want to do, but it's not that.

I really just want to be around a large group of people. As annoying as school was, it satisfied my social needs.

I mean, I have other people that aren't on the list that I talk to but I never really forged outside-of-school relationships with them because I suck. WHAT DO I DO.

There's Sam but... nah. There's Olivia but I feel like she'll be busy with work and her classes.

I think I might sign up to take some classes because otherwise, I'm going to be so lonely.

I wish more teenagers went to the cemetery, haha.

Okay, I'm going to go try and learn something real quick. Maybe later, I'll try and read some of The Scarlet Letter.

---

4:12 PM

Okay, I'm really tired again. I don't like this!!! I get enough sleep, why am I so exhausted? It's not even sleepy tired, it's this weird fatigue in my muscles. Makes me lazy.

Alright, I'm going to make a card for my daddy.

I'm wearing a couple bracelets fit for a Lady. A Lady like Lady Macbeth, only maybe without all the devious-ness and the whole killing-herself thing.

I am a spider.

My art class begins in a little over a week and I'm really nervous. It's for teens and ??? who else will be there??? It's only a week which isn't very long so I don't know if I'll be capable of making friends or even producing semi-okay art.

NO, I'M SCARED, NEVER MIND, I'M CONTENT WITH DOING NOTHING EVER. WHY AM I SO TIRED I'M MAD.

I went to the cemetery and talked out loud, like usual. April was slower than usual.

I also told my parents she's dying. Which is weird because they're the ones who told me... I guess they had hope that she'd recover.

I don't know why, you can't really recover from renal failure. Your organs are literally giving up.

I feel kind of bad for popping their little bubble, though. My momma said, "I just don't like to think about losing a member of our family."

MOMMY. I'M SORRY.

We might get another dog after she passes. Probably a small dog, and not a puppy either.

I'd like it to be a mutt from a shelter, like April. April is the prettiest dog I've ever laid eyes on (Keeko is the prettiest kitty).

Her eyes are big and brown, she has a head like a doe. Her ears are really soft, they feel like bunny fur (I CAN ACTUALLY SAY THIS BECAUSE I'VE FELT A BUNNY RECENTLY!!! GOSH SO SOFTTTT!!! It was Rushmore's I want to pet him again).

Her body is kinda medium sized, between the size of a border collie and a German Shepard, because that's her mix. It looks like a typical German Shepard body. Sometimes, when I pet her, I can feel her shoulder blades. That's new.

Her head is tan and white. SHE'S SO SOFT AND CUTE AWWW

It suddenly got really dark out. That doesn't help my annoying exhaustion. Being tired makes me kind of depressed, I don't like it.


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