Nadia

wet blanket
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2015-06-16 02:45:29 (UTC)

monotonous

I can't help but feel my life is in a constant loop. A monotonous, boring and exhausting loop. Do you ever sit around friends and wait until someone interacts with you? does it sometimes never happen?
It's because you're boring.

I mean I really do wonder about the point of my existence. Is there a god? I don't think so. If there was there would be reasons for bringing every person into the world. I just don't understand why I'm here.


I still sometimes feel like I'll lose Jacob. I still feel like a complete failure constantly. I still have trust issues. Ever since he got with that Brooke girl it's been different... we're working on it. But I admit, I've been happier than I have been in awhile. Even Jade, someone I trust with my fucking life, I get jealous over. When him and Jade hang out. Fuck what is wrong with me.

We have great sex. At least I enjoy it. I wonder if he does? I just need his skin on mine. To be close to him.


I remember when he told Amy how co-dependant I was on him. It's true. I am. I can't help it. I'm a controlling jealous fuck. But at least I'm not possessive.

Sometimes I get so angry about Amy or Brooke or anyone I hope they die. Jacob gets angry. If I tell him what's wrong, he gets angry. If I don't tell him what's wrong, he gets angry. If I don't say anything, he gets angry. There's no fucking mature way for him to handle problems.

Going back to the monotonous cycle of my life, school is horrible. I think it's the one thing I hate most? maybe? I just feel like every fucking word I write is pointless. Instead I choose to write in here. Why write about something tha could improve your grade when you can write pointless entries instead? aha.


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