taking heed

slightly exaggerated
2015-06-13 02:16:41 (UTC)

Barrhaven 2015 Ed.

I feel almost zero emotional connection to this suburb I once called home. Everything is new and/or different - streets, houses, rec centers, stores, people, weather, fuckkng park n' rides. But mostly, it is I who is different. (Oh here we go.)

I've tried quite hard to enjoy family and friends on this trip, like, enjoyment without concession - contentment. I've come close on ocassion, but can't quite round all the bases (lots of baseball talk on the internet tonight). I'm finding out that my senses, muted and distorted as they are, make it impossible (I find) to fully connect with and be in any given moment. Example?

No offense to Jamie, but Wednesday night at the mow was the highlight (SO FAR!!) - it had all the elements of an elite social outing, and my contributions went well and I had fun, but it wasn't a full and immersive experience. Not like it would have been, not like how Andrew would have taken it in.

I fucking wish I could wholly, completely, clearly, experience something one more time. And than a 1000 more times.

I miss my wife and dog.