A lady in the crowd
Blank Pages of the Forgotten.
In between my memory bank lies blank pages of forgotten memories. But writing is a wonderful and terrible thing. It opens deep wells of memories that were previously capped. I tend to recall the worst times rather than happier ones. Like when I was four and fell off a flight of stairs. My mother shrieked, "NO!" as she shut her eyes. Somehow I landed safely before my feet. I smiled and told her, "God protects me cause he loves me!" Her eyes nearly fell out of her socket as she gave me a warm embrace.
A year later, she abandoned life at California to live in Mexico. But she'll never accept her mistake. It's all her fault for leaving in the
first place. I hated her new husband, Octavio. I felt a never ending battle to fight for my mothers attention. Jealousy rushed through my veins as I saw that she was unconditionally in love with him. A worthless disgusting old man who enjoyed gambling.
It was a cold winter night. Fog had taken over by 2AM. Octavio ruled the highway with his newly washed mustang. We drove inside the parking lot of a newly opened casino. Mommy was upset because we found no one to watch over me. Regina spoke to a man who smirked at me. He promised he would take care of me. I shifted uncomfortably and took steps back. When is momma gonna come back? It's chilly out here, so why didn't she take out my blanket? Together they walked away hand in hand. Leaving me alone with a strange man who asked strange questions. I didn't answer because Grandma said to not talk to strangers.
Even though I only stayed the weekends I missed Calexico. This place isn't my home. I don't belong. I hate papa, and missed momma. Why would she leave? Does she really mean it when she says that it's my fault? That I'm the reason why she can't be happy? Because I was born? I wanted to let mommy be happy, I wished to be far away. Away in California where I sat above my fluffy rug and played Nintendo.
Grannie tells me not to be sad about momma. That someday mommy will come to her senses, and that she'll come back to us.
"Up to now that has been one of the saddest lies."