LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2015-05-27 15:48:53 (UTC)

People Are Nice

"Cowboy Dan [Alternate Version]" by Modest Mouse

He drove the desert, fired his rifle in the sky
And says, "God if I have to die you will have to die"
Well, Cowboy Dan's a major player in the cowboy scene
He goes the the reservation drinks and gets mean
I didn't move to the city, the city moved to me

And I want out desperately
Can't do it, not even if sober
Can't get that engine turned over
Standing in the tall grass
Thinking nothing
You know we need oxygen to breath

May 27, 2015 Wednesday 3:52 PM [I won't be replying to messages today or maybe for a few days, I'm busy]


At some point, I stopped thinking it was February.

Today was a good day, actually!!! People were nice to me!

Alexis made me a crown (or at least put it on my head) in fourth period. We had science, but we had no work that period so we just went to Mr. Sandwich's room and hung out with Lily, Laney, Nameless Guy, Sam, and a couple other people.

Lunch was a lot of fun, actually??? I half forgot to eat and half was grossed out by the rubbery pizza they sell at my school. I feel guilty for wasting it but :/ also, there were a lot of people at my table today and I don't like eating in close quarters.

So, in lunch, I sat with Sam, Adrian, Moe (this is a guy I've mentioned before. I called him Mecca, though), and Music.

I sat down and Music and Adrian were talking, like, *whisper, hush*

An astonished gasp from Adrian, "No! You can't say that to her!"

Me like, "What."

There was slight resistance before they told me. Music was like, "Okay, but don't be creeped out," and then he said, "You look like a Victoria's Secret Model."

THAT'S AWESOME. It's a fucking lie and he's obviously never actually seen a picture of a Victoria's Secret model, but hell yes??? Nice??

I was like, "Thanks!"

Later, I told Alexis that he said this and she kinda looked at me and was like, "yeah, yeah you do,"

wow. WOW. PEOPLE ARE VERY NICE TO ME. My boobs are small, though, not big enough to be Victoria's Secret model type. I'm okay with that, just pointing out the inaccuracies. Okay whatever. It was very flattering.

Music and Moe were discussing obscure porn, haha. I mean scary porn. Like, person's-spine-is-shoved-out-their-throat-during-anal kind of scary. And yes, I've actually seen something like that *shudders* HOW IS THAT SEXY OH MY GOD I Saw it like 3 years ago and it will never leave my head??

My favorite part was probably talking to Adrian. He's??? So fun to??? Talk to??? It makes me talk like this??

Later, someone asked him about his girlfriend, though, and I remembered he was taken and that made me kind of very sad. It's okay, though, he's still really fun to just talk to so whatever.

I'd kind of like to talk about him more, but I think that would ruin things. There are a lot of really amazing, interesting things about him, but writing them down just kind of feels wrong. Like I don't have permission. Like I'm idealizing him or something. So I don't even think about that stuff or list it in my head. I just recognize when it happens and keep it so myself.

Damn, that sucks :/

My drawing notebook embarrasses me.

Oh, I think Ethan slept over last night. Last I knew, he was in Caroline's room watching a movie. He got really drunk the day before, pissed in someone's house, was arrested, and hospitalized for his violence. So he had a rough day.

Didn't really talk to him, though. He's here, but I still kind of miss him.

LAST NIGHT WAS SO MUGGY AND HOT. AS THE NIGHT WENT ON, I GOT UNDRESSED LITTLE BY LITTLE BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING HOT AS FUCKING HELL. IT WAS NOT SEXY UNDRESSING, EITHER.

I kept waking up every few hours. Like, I fell asleep and then woke up, took off my pants and went downstairs. I slept on the couch for a couple hours, went back upstairs, shed my shirt and slept in just underwear. AND IT WAS STILL HOT. UGH. I HATE HUMIDITY.

I was really pissed off and tired this morning. I hate being pissed off.

oKay, i think I'm done.

Wow, I still can't get over the whole model thing??? So nice?


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