Vanilla

So down.

This isnt going to be easy.

He told me he wanted a break on friday, and i tried to message him a bit he took ages to get back and said he will meet me on wed to discuss. so i left it after that.. well its wed. And he hasnt messaged or called. I finally broke and just sent him one short message asking if our local place is ok to meet. He came on whatsapp twice and ignored it.

At this point i just want closure. Im hurt, wounded and bruised. my ego hurts. Im fed up, im tired im drained and i know i wasnt getting much from this relationship anymore. He doesnt care about me, it hurts but its ok i will have to get the fuck over it, i just want him to give me that respect of telling me...what the hell is going on.because i am already insecure and if he does this to me i dont know how i will trust again. It hurts to open up and be rejected for who you are.

I havnt eaten in days...well thats a lie..i drank to make myself a bit hungry which worked so i had chinese yesterday with Diana.

I met my ex Jay on Sunday and i met my friend Peter on Monday to go cinema, so i have been doing something 3 days straight but it still doesnt make the pain or the blow any easier.

He said he doesnt have time for me right? i know this is stalkerish and if your obsessive like me i dont recommend this but theres an app called whatsdog. it logs down everytime that person has come online even if they have blocked you or their stat is turned off. Well he was online at 3am till 4am. Im thinking theres someone else. He was defintely whatsapping someone as it logs on from what time they go online and offline and it was just literally an hour of going on and off sometimes staying on for 7 mins. And he didnt message me not once.

Im so emotionally hurt and drained that i dont even know what to do anymore. I cant see anything good right now because i am in anxiety hell.