The Real Me
2015-05-25 21:27:50 (UTC)

highs and lows

The good thing about people dissapointing you with age is that it becomes easier. It doesn't shock you as much anymore. Still hurts but it doesn't cut deep like the first few times. I am hurt by him and I have my highs and lows. It plays on my mind constantly but I can pretend I'm sort of ok. One minute I just want to talk to him and ask him why and the next minute I don't care and just think whatever. But what is constant is this small ache in my heart which as been permanently etched there since last Monday. Part of me wants to tell him how cruel and heartless this is and the other part knows he doesn't care and then my tertiary part knows he does need this time and it isn't fair that I take it away from him because he Is the one who asked for it. Not that me being in pain would make him change his mind anyway. It's more the journey of mental torture , the unknown and knowing your loved one is trying to decide if you are worthy of their love or not it is the most ultimate and brutal form of rejection especially if you saved them that type of pain and never put them through it especially if you needed time bit spared their feelings

It's's a battle of anxiety. But it is liveable.