LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2015-05-23 20:27:51 (UTC)

I'm an asshole


8:27 PM

QUICK NOTE:

There may have been a misunderstanding, readers??? That fight wasn't about the banana. That was just the only part I mentioned. It was about chores and stuff. And then later, about respect. Don't judge me, I know it was stupid, okay???
--


Okay, I'm better. Still feeling really shitty. Like, really, really shitty.

Also, I'm alone.

My family went off to go see a movie.

I talked about why I was so angry to myself, out loud in the cemetery. I decided I feel guilty for that anger because I wish I was more patient. More sympathetic towards him. Not his fault he's that way.

Yeah, but now I'm home alone and am experiencing that post-anger stress.

I'm so ashamedddd ugh why am I such a child. I should just apologize to him so alleviate my guilt. He's got my phone and is going to dangle that over my head for awhile, but whatever.

I think that, if I weren't so repressed, I wouldn't get this mad.

Because, as always, I look back on it and am like, "Whoa... chill."

It doesn't happen often (like maybe once a year) and I can mostly control myself, but I haaaaaaaaate myself afterwards.

Don't send me any feedback saying you're worried or some shit, though. Don't. I'm fine. I'll be perfectly okay. Don't try giving me advice, none of that. I don't want it. I can figure this out myself.

I'm a proud person, which is annoying. It actually stops me from doing a lot of things, including asking for help. This isn't one of those times that I want help, though.

I don't want you going, "Oh, sweetie..."

Don't try teaching me how to be better.

I can do this. I just have to get through four hours of alone time (my family is seeing two movies, yay).

I'm not hungry. I have no electronics, except for this, but this computer is super slow. Also, my stomach is burning and I hate myself so much that nothing seems fun, other than maybe being with another human being.

Which sucks for me!!! Because I'm alone!!!

But anyway. Sorry, I'm so negative today??? It was nice out. I love my doggy and I spoke out loud to the dead. I talked to you.

Maybe I won't write for awhile because I don't like the idea of anyone seeing this part of me.

But if I don't write... what will I do?

(sit on the couch and cry like you were doing before?)

That's accurate, haha. Ughhh. I'll be fine.


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