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May 23, 2015 Saturday 12:36 PM
First thought waking up: please shoot me in the head right now.
Wow. Fuck you, brain, haha. I hate that kind of stuff. Never before have slightly suicidal thoughts been so hilarious, though. I don't know why I find it so funny! Maybe I'm laughing at how irrational and weird it is. Like, where the FUCK did it even come from?
Oh! I got a haircut yesterday and I feel cute. I looked really nice. Here's a link to some of my selfies (I took them on the roof outside of my room):
I love my shorter hair. I run my fingers through my hair habitually, but it's kind of awkward with long hair because, eh, it just gets tangled and stuff.
So yesterday was fun. I was out exploring the world with Caroline (AKA we were buying food at the grocery store and had to drown out the horribly happy music with our own moody stuff). Lily texted me and she got hurt!!!!
ALERT. ALERT. ALERT.
LILY IS INJURED. I REPEAT, LILY IS INJURED.
REMAIN CALM. SCREAM INTERNALLY, REMAIN CALM.
She was having a picnic with her boyfriend and as they were putting out their little camp fire, something exploded and sent rocks straight into her face. She feels like a monster.
She doesn't look too bad but, according to the doctors, she'll have to wait until they fall out of her face.
My poor Lily. :( She'll have to go to school that way but I still think she's beautiful and everything will be okay.
Later yesterday, we watched this movie called Twixt (Francis Ford Coppola film) and it was okay. It was kind of erratic, honestly, so I don't know if I liked it. Kind of funny at times. Kind of really dark.
Later, at like 1 AM, I talked to Adrian. I was super paranoid, though. He's the type of guy to keep it to himself when you're annoying him so I was just ???
Super worried the whole time????
(HE DOES MASHUPS OF SONGS IN HIS HEADS)
Still, 'twas fun. Better than being up alone.
RULES FOR COMMUNICATING WITH ME:
-if you don't want to talk to me, PLEASE don't reply
-if you don't reply, I will assume you don't want to talk to me ever, so that's the downside. Just make sure you reply eventually if you don't actually want me to disappear from your life. What??? I'm a fraidy cat and my number one fear is irritating people.
-don't try to define our friendship. I'm referring to Olivia. It's really annoying. I don't care.
-answer my questions and ask questions
-my feet are cold. i mean in real life. They're really cold. Also, I just woke up an hour ago and I'm hungry. I should eat something.
-I'm not actually hungry, I just want to put something in my mouth
-me and Caroline will inevitably grow apart :(
-what was this list again?
-i like talking briefly about my day (and yours) and all the pretty things, but mostly, I like thinking about weird, surreal stuff
-it would be nice if you told me about things you like, send me pictures of things that you find cute or interesting or breathtaking.
-let me talk about my cat and/or my dog. THEY'RE CUTE, GODDAMNIT.
-i want you to talk about stuff. like, if something excites you, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't hide it. Fucking show me how passionate it makes you. THAT IS HONESTLY MY FAVORITE PART OF TALKING TO PEOPLE. Seeing them all bright and excited!!!
-That sounds selfless but it's for my own benefit, okay?
-this list doesn't apply to anyone in particular. If you already talk to me, you could be following all this stuff already. And if you're not, that's fine, too.
I probably don't know what I actually want in a conversation (or in anything, which is why I'm always so contradictory). This is just the stuff I'm pretty sure I kind of like.
I WANT TO KISS AND CUDDLE but at the same time, I don't want to do that at all.
Have you ever thought about how the English language came about? How easy it would have been to stop that from happening? That has been my main thought since it came to me on Thursday night (I was studying with Lily).
I keep thinking: what if you went to an alternate universe. Walked into a room that you had just been in, see yourself sitting in the chair you had just left, but you don't speak the same language
how fucking creepy would that be?
how fucking scary?
English just never existed it we were left with... I don't know, flapping tongues or some shit.
Will my brain ever work properly?
LAST NIGHT, THERE WAS THE MOST GORGEOUS SUNSET. IT WAS BRIGHT PINK AND PURPLE. WAS I SEEING THE ROYAL GOWNS OF HERA HERSELF AS SHE DANCED WITH ZEUS???? MAYBE I WAS, MAYBE I FUCKING WAS.