Porky Pieman

Pies, Puns and Filthy Thoughts (18 )
2015-05-12 08:51:55 (UTC)

Man v Woman

In her 20's, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After 50, they are like onions, you see them and they make you cry.”
After 50, it’s like a Christmas Tree, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”


Sydney is getting a hard time off his wife one day. She's constantly moaning about his filthy habits, laziness and other manly things.
Not the brightest bulb in the box, poor Sydney is stuck for something clever to say and suddenly blurts out, "Your arse is getting big, It's bigger than the BBQ grill"

Later that night in bed, though he's bruised and still aching a bit from where various household/kitchen items hit him, Sydney decides to show her he still cares. Thinking he can get back in her good books, (and relieve the only bit of him that's aching for other reasons than being hit by a well aimed object) he starts making amorous advances to his wife.

She's having none of it and says "Get down to your shed and have one of those wanks over your steam train magazines you think nobody knows about" Surprised she knows about this, but not put off he says, "What's wrong with you, you know I still desire and want you?"
She turns round, looks him in the eye and says "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big arse grill for one little sausage?"




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