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2015-05-11 03:45:50 (UTC)


John and I have been split now I am thinking its been 2 months or so. He really became a jerk and today he finally said to me that he gathered my stuff and put it in the garage so I can go pick it up. Fine, ya I guess it actually really did upset me and I felt just a bit sad but sadly I think I was waiting for him to have actually say to me it was done. I dont know what to do anymore except keep doing me and keep going. It is pretty sad though that I am 32 years old and I have to live with my parents because I dont make enough money to move out on my own. I almost feel like I am about to have a sad road ahead of me. I do question a lot as to why every relationship has always been heartache. One that has ended in heartache and just plain sadness. I really dont want a relationship for a while, I know i cant really control what happens but It is kind of nice to just be alone sometimes.

I sit here on mothers day as we came back from celebrating at Tonchas house and spent time with my family and was having fun with the kids. It must have been the first time in 8 years that I did not have John there. It sucks and it was kinda hard to not think of him. We have done so much together.

I hate being single. I feel as if I am alone or smthg is missing. I have not been able to stop thinking of him but then again I also was not the happiest when I was at the house, I still believe that if I got with him again I would just be in the same routine. Back and fourth should not be my style anymore. I dont know if I miss him? I dont know what I miss really. I have mixed emotions at the moment and im not sure how to feel. Today was a good day for the familt until I got that text saying I packed your stuff come and get it when you pay me for the phone bill.

Who knows, I am just focusing on myself and I think I am going to try and save some money and just simply keep my mind on going to the gym and losing my weight.

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